Post by Mai Kobayashi on Sept 27, 2021 2:12:52 GMT -5
The once virgin snows covering the ground were no longer thus, the life of friends and foes extinguished on this field of once purest white had turned it an ugly shade of pink. Swords stuck up out of mounds of snow, leaving no illusions of what was buried beneath the freshly fallen flakes of white. Nakama, who would never again raise their glass in high spirits. Enemies, that would never again chase after them. It made no difference, all lay buried beneath the snow, their last place in this world marked only by the weapons they had clutched as their last breaths crossed their lips. Her breath turned to mist in the frigid air. The snow falling gently out of the overcast sky was frigid and damp. Its beauty was distant and terrifying.
This haunting battlefield was cold, not just in truth but metaphorically too. She raised her hand to cover her mouth, silent tears running down her pale cheeks as the pain of loss demanded its toll from her. Why was this happening now, why was that accursed woman so determined to take everything she cared about.
"Captain..."
"Don't say anything... I will kill her this time. So our friends can sleep in peace."
She pulled low the feathered bonnet to cover her eyes in the shade of its brim, the tears were running hot down her cheeks. They rolled down to the tip of her chin and by then the biting cold of this winter wonderland froze them before they could drop and join the flakes of snow falling like ash upon this battlefield. The sounds of distant battle reached the small group of pirates. There were still people fighting. There was still something left for them to fight for. She ran her hand across her tear-stained face, wiping away tears both fresh and frozen with a trembling hand.
"We will pour out a bottle of sake for them later. We aren't completely too late. Men, let's go!"
The trembling hand balled into a fist and that fist was raised into the air in defiance. Worry, sadness, and pain all served only to inflame her heart. This wasn't the time or place to mourn those they could no longer aid, not when there were still friends left alive that could be saved if they hurried. There was only a handful of them, but amongst that crew, they were the strongest, the officers and most experienced fighters she had taken with her to meet that cursed Marine head-on. They raised their weapons in agreeance, anger surging like a wave from them. Their voices carrying across the empty snow as their feet carried them charging forward.
The captain herself lingered a moment longer. What was this uneasiness in her breast? Was she scared? Yes... as embarrassing as that was to admit, she was. She pulled the fur-covered neckline of her coat tight. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold that surrounded her ran through her body. Was she about to live that tragedy again? Why did it keep repeating? Each and every time she finally thought she found a place where she could belong, the cruel fates ripped it out from under her.
Her boots stepped through the snow, following the tracks laid out by her friends and companions. The distant sounds of battle grew closer but her mind was lingering in the past. Tragedy seemed to hound her every step. What was it like, she wondered; to live a life not constantly haunted by the fear of losing those you came to care about? She knew it once. As a little girl. She remembered those days even though she was so young. Sometimes she wondered if those memories were nothing but an illusion her mind had crafted to keep her going. A promise that happiness did exist, even if it was a fleeting dream that couldn't last.
But the doll that sat on the highest shelf in her captain's quarters, hidden behind the countless books she had acquired in the years since she was that innocent little girl told her that those days were real once. They had been real. Until her parents had been taken from her with sudden violence too. Once upon a time, before there had been a fierce Pirate Captain she was just a young girl, born to a well-off family who had no care in the world but what next to play with the doll that kept her company.
Was it just the fate of a pirate? That might be it. But she had never chosen to become one. She had to, her first crew was nothing like the family this one had become. They were fearsome, terrifying. They had taken her parents from her and she had hated them. But if she wanted to live she had no choice but to be like them. But that ended too... How many had there been now? four... no was it five different crews that she had belonged to? Whatever cruel god kept giving her new friends, new families to belong to also took them away. And right now it was all happening again.
Her hand clasped around the grip of the pistol she was carrying in the sash tied around the waist of her fur-lined coat. She clasped it with such a powerless force that the silver decorations on its handle dug into her flesh and another drop of crimson red fell into the footsteps she left behind in the snow. The winds had begun to pick up, drowning out the sounds of fighting around her as they whipped the falling flakes of snow into a frenzy. Yet as she walked forwards towards an inevitable battle, figures fighting like shadows in the edges of the snowstorm. Marine, pirate. She could no longer tell apart the figures raging in battle all around her. Like ghosts, their presence faded in and out of view.
Swords clashed, their ringing cry howling fiercer than even the howling storm. The cries of men as duels were settled and those swords lash out to extinguish another life in this meaningless fight. The two people at the center of this raging storm hated each other, wanted to kill each other but was that just their fate? Their duty as those who had chosen opposite paths in life? Her pistol belched out a bullet. A tear stoked in the corner of her eye. The marine charging her fell face-first into the snow. Life quelled by the fateful bullet from the captains' pistol. But the blood on his sword told her that she had lost another friend just moments before. But she had no more tears left to cry. She was drawn inexorably forward as if guided by an unseen force towards where her counterpart was waiting.
That woman stood alone in the snow. Surrounded by corpses with deep gashes across their chests, the bloody saber grasped in her hands. A smile colored her lips, how could she still smile like that standing in the mids of so many dead. how did she smile having cut down the captain's friends like rabid animals? Was it revenge for the fallen marines that also lay about her, no doubt slain by the pirates who had fallen at the Majors sword? She didn't know. But as the two women crossed eyes they could tell, neither of them was feeling any happiness here. This was nothing but a slaughter that was slowly stripping both of them of everything they were fighting to protect. That smile did nothing but hide the pain of a heart as deeply wounded as her own. Yet for all their similarities, they were destined to fight. There was no recourse but to fight. If they could save but one of their friends they would have to do it by claiming victory over the other. This frigid wasteland was where the story of their rivalry was destined to end. In blood.
"Looks like you finally showed up, Cherry Bomb. No... since it seems that only one of us is going to leave here alive. I suppose I should call you ######...?"
"#####!!!"
The howling wind devoured the two women's names, so that only her anguished cry resounded over this field of despair. No... even she couldn't remember them... why was that? A moment of hesitation in her mind allowed her enemy to make the first move. The marine major lunged forwards, her sword aimed directly at the Pirate's heart.
The cold steel pierced her chest. The frigid cold of the blade shattered her skin and caused her blood to freeze in her veins. Was this it, the end. This ignoble and pathetic excuse for a fight couldn't be how she died. She had been unable to do anything at all to avenge her friends. Her chest was so cold, despite the fact she had been wearing a coat a second ago, she could see the blade sticking out of her bare chest, piercing through pale white skin. The snow landing on her flesh froze it solid, her skin peeled and cracked but there was no blood. No. it wasn't even skin. She stared down at her hands. Pale like ash, her joints clearly visible mechanically gears moving beneath pale translucent flesh. Those were not her hands, these doll-like fingers of wood weren't her fingers. This chest of shattered wood was not her own.
The sun was setting. No... it wasn't. It hung deathly still in the sky yet that very sky had turned into shades of orange and red like it did just before twilight. No... this was wrong... it was all wrong. It was still early in the afternoon. The falling snow had frozen in mid-air, it no longer fell nor moved, hanging in place ever so still. The marine major advanced on her, her distorted smile the only thing visible in a face that has become naught but a black shadowed mass. A cruel grinning face that held no warmth, no sadness. Every step her feet cracked the snow beneath them and with every step, the woman's ominous figure grew larger. When finally she reached the pirate kneeling defeated in the snow... a huge hand clasped her hair. The monstrous marine dragged her through the snow, kicking and screaming.
Tears ran down her face. Her skin was cracking as she was dragged past the faceless bodies of her comrades. She couldn't remember a single one of them. Not a single name crossed her mind as she desperately tried to remember their faces. The relentless monster dragged her across the snow by her hair. The relentless cold had made her skin go numb. Fear clutched her heart in ways it never had before. Was she about to die? Was that truly something to be this terrified off...? She had seen so many friends die over the years that perhaps joining them was the only way to end this endless pain thumping in her chest. Ahh... that's right... she had been stabbed, hadn't she.
She touched her hand to her chest but she felt nothing. there was no sword there, just a crack in a piece of rough wood. The monstrous marine had dragged her to the edge of a frozen pool, she threw the pirate down, like a ragdoll. Down by the edge of the water. The ticking of a clock buzzed in her ears, why? They were in the middle of the wilderness of a winter island. The snow finally resumed falling. yet she could no longer feel the snowflakes bursting on her skin. Stripping away her humanity wherever they touched her. She planted her hands into the snow, raising up her head. She needed to stand up, she didn't know why but every fiber of her being screamed at her to get up.
She could see something reflected in the icy pool. A faint glowing light. As her eyes fell onto the icy lake she could see the moon reflected in its surface. Why, it was noon only moments ago!? She looked around her. She was sitting at the edge of the frozen lake but everything else had been swallowed by darkness. nothing remained but the frozen surface stretching into the horizon and the moon high overhead that brought no light to the endless darkness surrounding her. She got to her feet. The pain was gone too. She stared up at the moon for a moment, dazed. confused. What was going on? Then her eyes caught sight of her own reflection in the icy pool...
...She narrowly dodged to avoid the sword aimed at her heart. The world was back to normal. Her opponent was right in front of her. Her momentary hesitation never happened and instead of dying, she raised her pistol to return fire. The bullet pierced the marine's chest and she was the one to fall over dead. But that stupid grin still remained on her face. She herself fell to her knees too. Why was she crying? Were tears of joy meant to feel like they were burning you alive? Was killing your enemy supposed to feel this heartwrenching? The marine's face changed. It was like watching a morbid picture show. Every single face it changed to was a friend. A friend she killed. She killed them by leading them to this battlefield. She shot them just now. Her tears fell endlessly into the snow as the parade of horror continued. Yet even as the pain cut through her heart and her lips uttered the words. Yet not a single one of the names of those closest to her she herself could hear... The howling winds of the snowstorm devoured them all. It grew steadily in pitch, fiercer, the winds grew sharper and the cold grew deeper until all the world was white and nothing remained.
...She narrowly dodged to avoid the sword aimed at her heart. The world was back to normal. Her opponent was right in front of her. And instead of dying, she raised her pistol to return fire. The marine raised her sword on the backstroke to block the bullet. It careened off the edge with the dry *caching* of a streel ball deflecting off a steel edge. Both women jumped back, opening the distance between them. They circled one another, each waiting for an opening to exploit.
"What a shame, if only you had not decided to raise a pirate's flag. In another life, we might have been friends."
Why, did her chest ache so much at those words? This woman had carved a bloody path through the comrades she broke bread with every day. The trail of bodies following this woman was at least as long as the one she had carved on this snowy battlefield. What of justice, what of right or wrong. They both were nothing but cold killers justifying themselves through their own conceits. This world was not so black and white, choices did not come so easily defined. Each of them stood here, driven not by ideals of justice or freedom or even just their own ambitions. It was nothing so grand, nothing so noble. This was just revenge for them both. Plain, simple, cold, and endlessly sad. neither of them would find any joy here, friends? What a stupid word to throw about now... The very reason they were clashing was that they had carved up each other's friendships till their hearts bled tears and their blood ran cold.
"Don't talk as if you know a single thing about me! From the start that was never a choice, I was allowed to make!"
Yet her heart still ached. Why? These feelings did not feel like her own, they were a distant ache that felt like someone else's feelings bleeding through into the rage and anger she herself felt. Another life, why was there such a foreboding weight attached to such words that surely were just offered up in jest. Why did a single moment that did not hold such weight feel so prophetic? And why, why did it make her heart feel so heavy with despair.
The flintlock in her hand spat out another steel projectile at that infuriating smiling face. Even though thoughts swirled in her head, this battle had lasted mere moments. The steel ball bit into the snow piled up on the ground. The major had pushed herself off from the snow, leaping forward into the pirate gunner's space. Her coat fluttered in the wind behind her. Even in this cold, she was still wearing that blasted symbol of her justice across her shoulders. How could that woman stand to fight in this cold with her arms bare like that? These northerners were something else. This entire blue seemed to be nothing but snow-covered freezing Islands. It was enough to make her long back to the ever-changing mess that was weather patterns on the grande line.
They had only left behind that cursed sea to escape a fate like this. Their strength was lacking. There were too many threats there that would have led to her crew's complete extermination. Ironic, the word tasted like ash and blood in her mouth but it was an inescapable conclusion. It was some vengeful god's twisted sense of Irony that had led them to find that very death they had been running from on some forsaken Island in the North blue instead... Dreams had gotten them nothing, they had attained nothing. The freedom they wished for had gotten them nothing but steel and blood instead. How did this woman speak of friendship while burying her heel in the corpse of her friendships? It pissed her off.
"You and your sham justice have taken everything from me. Look around you. What part of this is justice, Your men and my own lie dead or dying. Crying tears of blood and growing silent, wondering why we allowed them to die here, and for what? So you can spit on their graves and talk of being friends NOW? All you had to do was stop chasing us and none of this had to happen. It's all your fault, #####!!!"
Yet those accusations two were hollow, this dark fate was one they were both equally guilty of crafting for themselves. it had felt like a game for her, at first she was just another marine chasing after her and her crew. When did that start changing? When did she deliberately start antagonizing this woman? Why was it that she had longed for a rival to challenge her so much that she had shaped up someone else as her greatest nemesis? The thoughts were hazy, her memories clouded over like the misty breath she exhaled into the freezing cold. Her breast rose and fell with every breath, just a few seconds into this fight and it was more tiring, more draining than anything she had ever experienced.
The Major's sword offered a silent riposte to her verbal accusation. Her pistol answered in turn. She pulled her dagger from the jeweled sheath stuck into the sash of her waist, its blade angled down as she raised the glimmering edge to parry yet another blow. She locked the sword up between the blade and guard of her dagger. The marine's face was so close to hers that she could see her breathe out puffs of air that froze as relentlessly in the cold air as the breaths she drew herself. She raised her pistol towards that face, her finger pulled the trigger. She was truly going to end this once and for all. But a fist bit into her cheek. She might have stopped the Major's sword, but a fist fueled by anger and despair came out of left field to strike her squarely in the cheek.
Her head spun, the pistol belched its deadly steel ball but the force of the Major's fist had caused the pirate to miss. The wicked ball of death instead tore a chunk out of the Major's locks that had freed themselves out from under her marine cap. The captain stumbled backward, her hand running across her mouth as she wiped away the blood trickling down from her cracked lip. The Marine took a step back too.
"Stop chasing you? Like I could have! You did everything you could to make sure that I kept chasing you didn't you? Isn't this the fight you wanted!? Isn't this why you killed him? You should have known I'd chase you to the ends of the earth when you did that!"
Ahh... that's right... She had done something unforgivable... but.. who was it that she killed again. She knew it was important, a sin she could never erase. Something that would surely ruin everything. But... ruin what? The thoughts jumbled in her mind, they were strange and out of place. They did not belong at this moment... and why could she not remember what it was she had done to start all of this!? Had they really had this conversation? No... it was all wrong. Their fight had been a silent bitter struggle to the end. Why was she imagining these things?
Ahh... this was a dream? Right... this had happened a long time ago, hadn't it? Right, she had had this dream before. That marine only existed in her mind now. this fight stopped having meaning a long time ago. The world sped up, their clash played out before her while she was watching from a distance. A substitute rose from the snow, a version of her made manifest of her memories. A silhouette in black and white that went through the motions.
Sword and dagger clashed again, drawing sparks between them. She was a spectator now. All she had to do was watch. Again and again, steel met steel. the pistol belched lead in utter silence. Their lips moved but the words no longer resounded. The whole world had gone silent.
She sat down in the snow, taking the feathered cap from her head and dropping it in the snow beside her. Her blazing pink locks dancing in the wind as she pulled in her knees and rested her face against them. Why was she always crying so much whenever she saw this dream? Why did it keep haunting her in the dark hours of the night? Why. Why was she so determined to torment herself with a pain she couldn't take back?
"Do you regret it?"
She looked up as the voice questioned her. The major had taken off her coat and laid it down on the snow. She sat down beside her even as their two static counterparts in black and white continued their brutal and silent fight in the backdrop.
"I do... but I don't know why. I don't even remember your name... I don't even remember my own. I don't remember what happened between us, but I'm scared. I'm scared that when I do I'll lose something precious..."
She punched her fist down into the snow, she hated this feeling of powerlessness. She hated the confusion clouding her mind. Who was even talking now? Was she the captain who couldn't even remember her name or that thing that had stared back at her from that frozen pool? Her reflection was not her own, even looking over the two figures fighting their silent battle as she retreated into her own thoughts were devoid of detail. She had forgotten what her own face looked like. She filled in the blanks with the face that she now had to call her own but that was not what she used to look like. How could she shake off her worries when she couldn't even trust her own feelings?
"I see, but ######... I forgot too."
It was an airy statement, one that did not fit the context of where this conversation was happening at all. The two of them had only ever been sworn enemies, not once had they tried to understand one another, and not once had they sat down like this to discuss their feelings. Even now, she couldn't even hear her own name being called. This woman wasn't real either. The major fighting over there, even this one speaking to her. She too was just a projection born from frayed and shattered memories. Given voice and form in her dreams as a reflection of her own insecurities. She knew that, but she wasn't even sure who she was right now. She too was just a marionette in someone else's dreams. A player who did not have all the answers, running through a script of someone else's making.
"This fight only exists in your fears. I long since forgot. I am not the type to dwell on the past. Maybe you should stop coming here. You are only hurting yourself. "
That might be true, this place was not a kind dream. It was a nightmare that dragged to the surface memories of a past that someone had tried very hard to bury. Was it her? No... not just her. But what was done to her was only a small part of the story. She was scared of the truth she might find if she kept on digging. Yet her fingers clawed at the snow. Her shoulders trembled. Metaphorically or in truth, this uneasiness came from the fact that she was too scared of the truth to chase it with all her might.
This woman was just a mirror of herself. Even if she reflected her thoughts onto it. it ultimately only told her what she wanted to hear. No... it only told her what she thought that girl was thinking. She could never be sure if that comforting thought was true. She did seem like the type to simply take things as they are where she herself was the type to question everything but... that was exactly why she couldn't accept those comforting words as truth...
"But I have to know... if I don't and it ends up ruining all I have left what will I do..."
That was the fear that underpinned this all, wasn't it? If she truly remembered nothing when she woke up, why did she come back to this dream every night? Why did she spend all her dreaming hours talking to the figments of her own mind trying to quell fears about things that she would just forget when she woke up? Because even if the conscious thoughts faded when she opened her eyes.. the fears yet remained...
"You... did you ever consider that you have a habit of doing exactly the things that end up causing what you are most afraid of? "
A soft chuckle escaped the Captain, that was a truth that was hard to deny. It still hurt though. She was every bit as blunt as the woman she remembered... as her... But you'd think that her own mind would be more gentle in pointing out her own shortcomings.
She let herself fall back into the snow. The battle was drawing to a close. She knew this dream well... the time where she could sit and ask questions was drawing to an end. Their lives were fading, and as they came closer to killing one another the memory.. the dream drew to an end. It was pointless to fight against the inevitable passing of time. Even here in her own dreams, she wasn't in control of the passage of time...
The sudden onset of pain was expected, but it was never pleasant. Her consciousness was fading. She struggled to get up, to continue fighting. The wounds had accumulated from the fight even whilst she stepped outside of the experience herself. She tried to put her hand down in the snow to support herself, to push herself to her feet but slipped and fell face-first into the snow.... ahh that's right... you could not support yourself on a hand that wasn't there anymore. That sword had severed her arm before the conclusion of her fight. Her vision was blurring too. A wound above her eyes was leaking her vitality into it and all the world was turning red. This was it, the sad final conclusion to this fight. She was left lying face down in the snow, her body wrecked by a vengeance-fueled struggle that had gained her nothing. Both of them were dying, all they had succeeded in doing was killing each other. The sounds of battle had faded all around her. The blizzard raged, but even its howl had grown into a silent mourning call. It lamented the futility of their struggle.
On that day... several years ago... the 261st Marine Branch and the Wild Cherry pirates, on a small island in the South blue.. killed each other to a man. That was what the report would say.
But the dream wasn't over. The Nightmare was not over. Even as her sight blurred and even the sounds of the raging storm grew faint and distant, she remember that ringing. That accursed ringing sound of steel rings clattering against one another. A tall figure dressed in robes of black decorated by black feathers threaded across the lifeless battlefield. She remembered seeing him through blood-soaked eyes. With every step, the heavy pommel of a massive scythe sunk deep into the blanket of snow. The rings threaded through the bladed jostling a toling like the evening bells announcing the coming twilight. This she supposed, was the grim reaper, come to claim her soul. She didn't know if this visage was real or just her imagination, but the dream always ended like this. Always.
The black-robed figure knelt down next to the pirate's corpse. Her left arm was severed, both legs were left in the snow several feet away. Her injuries without a doubt fatal. Yet she stared up at him, with defiant, unseeing eyes. He chuckled, a deep unsettling laugh that made her shiver even though that bother had lost all ability to move a while ago.
"I see... still clinging to life, are you? How persistent. You will make for a fine specimen..."
Where was she? She could see nothing. The world was an inky black nothing in which she drifted in a state of quiet emptiness. She could feel nothing.
"Hoh.. you are awake aren't you? Well, that is fine... You will eventually forget this anyway... What was your name, girl?"
The words sounded strange, distant. She could hear someone speaking to her and yet it sounded, unlike any voice she had ever heard. That strange ticking sound was back. Like a clock in a quiet room, she could hear the buzzing of gears ticking over in the background, an ever-present noise at the edge of her range of hearing. She tried to draw breath, yet her chest did not rise. Her lungs did not fill with air. She panicked, she felt like she was suffocating and a crushing weight was pressing down on her. She needed to breathe... where was she, why couldn't she see anything. She tried moving her hand, but she couldn't feel anything. She couldn't feel her body at all, blind panic made itself master of her mind. She didn't answer the question, she couldn't.
"..."
Slowly she calmed down, she wasn't in pain anymore. Even if she could not draw breath it did not seem like she was suffocating. That's right... she had already died anyway hadn't she? Was this the afterlife then? It made sense that she did not have to breathe then but it would be nice if she could see something, or moved. Being stuck in eternal darkness didn't seem like much of a prospect. The voice however seemed to interpret her silence in a slightly different manner...
"I see, you don't know how to speak with that body yet do you...? Or perhaps the damage was so severe you can't speak anymore? No... the light shining behind those beautiful eyes I've crafted is that of a defiant soul that isn't yet ready to yield... but in time.. you will."
Even though his voice was distant, waxy and a little unsettling, she could hear and understand him just fine. He said she had eyes, so why couldn't she see? No... the things that voice said made very little sense to her, but if she had eyes that was enough. She focused herself on her senses. If she had eyes she should be able to see. Perhaps to her surprise, it actually worked, willing herself to see so desperately made it happen. Or maybe she could from the start and just had to remember to do so? What a strange thing. As the darkness clouding her eyes began to lift, she blinked. At least she could do that, that was useful to know. Especially because the world right now was overwhelmingly bright. Everything was too vibrant, the colors she saw were too sharply contrasted, it was too dazzling in a word.
The first thing she saw was the face of an old man, gaunt, spotted by black marks, and with a thin wispy silver beard. His head was mostly bald with tufts of grey hair sprouting just above and indeed from his ears. A tiny horn-rimmed spectacle teetered on the tip of a crooked nose, hiding a pair of bright but cold blue eyes that were looking at her with curiosity. He was holding some sort of knife-like tool up unpleasantly close to her face, a blood-splattered leather apron covered his chest and lap and several more blood-covered tools lay in his lap. She wanted to scream, to frantically move her head to look about her but even though her eyes moved from side to side her head refused to turn.
"Ahh, curious about where you are? Well... you were quite damaged when the Vulture brought you in. Don't worry... I'll fix you up good as new. the two of you will be my greatest masterpieces. Now.. try not to scream.. too much my dear. "
He bought that strange device up to her face, but even though she could feel the wet sensation on the side of her head, there was no pain. She knew exactly what it was, but still, she could feel nothing. once again, her world was taken away and the comforting veil of darkness swallowed away all sensation. There was nothing left, just darkness.
Where was she? It was strange... she had the strangest feeling that she had woken up before, in this very room. Yet she didn't remember it at all... Who was she? Who was she? There was nothing at all. Her mind was screaming the answer to that question but she couldn't hear it at all.
Tik-tik-tik
The ratcheting sound of clockwork gears catching was pounding in her ears. It was drowning out the world with deafening intensity. She couldn't tell where it was coming from. No... it seemed to be coming from everywhere around her and yet nowhere at the same time. There was a man standing in front of her. His swarthy face, gaunt and covered in liver spots was completely unfamiliar to her. His whispy grey beard drew a blank in her mind and yet those cold blue eyes looking so triumphantly at her from behind those horned rimmed spectacles were somehow.... familiar? Who was he? What was he saying? The ratcheting gears were drowning out his words even though she saw his lips moving. And finally, something truly 'clicked'. The deafening sound of a ticking clock came from inside her.
She raised up her hand, and for a brief moment, she was glad she had a hand to obey her command. Her fingers moved. Well, she supposed they were her finger at least. Wooden digits, thin and elegant moved with a clockwork precision that felt both completely alien and yet like they were her fingers. Her hands. The sensation was new, strange exciting, and scary all at once. But the burning question remained. Who was she? Where was she? What was she?
"Who am I?"
The voice that rang out from her mouth was strange. Was that her voice? This melodious, warm, contralto voice was as foreign to her as the look of her hand. She blinked, yet even though the world darkened for a moment, she could make out every vein lining the inside of her eyelid with perfect clarity. As her eyes opened, for a moment she could see every single long and delicate eyelash at the end of those ashen lids flash in front of her vision. This absolute clarity, these unusually vibrant colors. Why did the world look so different? Different? Different from what. Try as she might she could not remember a single moment before this one. yet she could understand the words she spoke, as her eyes scanned across the room she found herself in, concepts like table, coffeecup, knife, pot. They were familiar to her, they conjured an understanding of what they were and their purpose inside of her mind but as far as she knew this was the first time she had ever laid eyes on those things.
"#####, #####!"
The man in front of her was repeating a word at her, one that had no context nor meaning to her at all. She ignored him, there was no meaning to responding to something she could not understand. She was more interested in the room. As her eyes fell on different things in the room, more words came into clarity in her mind. Wall, Cabinet, Bookshelf, Book, Cover, Spine... A history of medicine in twelve volumes? III. A... title? Ahh... she could read. How interesting. How come? Children had to learn to read, didn't they? Child? Was she one? She only just realized she was alive but her hand was too big to be a child's, no... her hand wasn't human at all... She understood all of these concepts even if she wasn't entirely sure where and how she had come to know them. She supposed that she must have learned them before she became aware of her existence. Somehow? Somewhere? But if she was not a child, if her hand wasn't human... That just brought her back to her first questions.
"Who am I? Where am I? What am I?"
"#####!!"
The man snapped his fingers in front of her face. That word again, he tried to use it to get her attention. Then when it did not he snapped his fingers at her... maybe...
"Haiki... is that my name?"
She tried repeating the word, it was strange. It was not a word she knew, not a word she remembered. But it didn't feel like her name. Yet the man smile faintly, apparently pleased.
"Yes, you are Haiki Yggdrassil. She is Kiki. Your sister... And I am Victor. Your papa."
Every instinct told her this man was lying, that he was dangerous. That she should raise up her fist now and cave in his skull. But something he said held her back...
"Onee-sama... "
Someone put her arms around her. That soft, sweet soprano voice that called out to her with confusion and a slight hint of fear in her voice put her heart in turmoil. The embrace held a warmth, a closeness, and tender familiarity that somehow put her racing mind at ease. She was startled and stood as if rooted to the spot as she let her eyes fall on the girl that was putting her arms around her. Her sister? She held up her own hand. The color of the wood that comprised their limbs were different but the design was the same. Both of them were almost a head and a half taller than the man who claimed to be their father. But her assessment that she was not human was only reinforced when she looked over the woman embracing her. The words that her mind conjured when she looked at her were not those that you'd attribute to a person. Doll, puppet whichever she chose it made her heart feel empty.
Yet when she looked at that sunkissed hair something about that doll-like figure made her feel for the first time she recognized something at all. She wasn't sure if this was a good feeling. On the one hand, she felt like she wanted to punch this girl just as much as she did the old man. Something was terribly wrong with her and she couldn't put into words what. But... at the same time, she felt a kindred bond that she had even more trouble putting into words. A bond that seemed to suggest that they were one and the same. two beings cut from the same material. Sister... that was as good a word for it as any. She hesitated for a moment before returning the embrace with some trepidation before looking over the man who was watching them curiously and scribbling something down in a pocket notebook.
"Victor... You are human.. right? How could you be our... parent? We are clearly not... What ARE we?"
The man began to cough, sinking down onto a chair. The yellow-haired doll made a motion as if to help him but the man held up a hand as if to stop her and the girl held herself back. He continued to cough into his hand before wiping the trace of blood away on his pant leg and adjusting his tiny spectacles as he looked her over.
"I am sick, I'm sure you can tell. I will eventually die. You two... my precious daughters were afflicted with this very same sickness. You were at death's door long before I was... my research is still incomplete but... you two could no longer wait. I turned you into this... "
He motioned at a mirror mounted on the far wall, yet she did not look into it. She did not want to take her eyes of the man. The way he called them his precious daughters made her feel intensely uncomfortable. She didn't believe a word of it. Not any of it... Besides she had a fairly good idea of what she would see if she did. Colors aside, she assumed she'd look identical to the other girl. in contrast to her, that girl was either more naive or just more gullible. The look of concern on her face and the way she whispered... "Papa... " told her as much. But she wouldn't be fooled. The story was convenient... too much so.
"..to save your lives. Unfortunately, the shock of the procedure seems to have been too much for your frail bodies... you don't remember me do you?"
Both girls shook their heads, one of them sadly the other reluctantly but both denied remembering the man at all. The smile he gave might have been meant to seem reassuring. But all she saw on his face was the shadow of greed and jubilation. It wasn't endearing or kind at all. She clenched her fist, her joints creaked but she felt nothing at all.
"I see... then where are we? Which island is this?"
Even if she did not trust him, he was the only one that seemed to know... well anything. She wasn't even sure why she was so certain they were on an island. But she was sure all the same...
"Hoh.. you still remember you are on an island?How rare... This is Karakuri Island. To be precise The Future Kingdom Baldimore. This castle is my... no our house, Yggdrasil Manor. "
Suspicious. Having to correct himself like that if they were truly his daughters was too suspicious. They were adults.. well their bodies appeared like them at least... She did not feel like a child, she wasn't quite sure what she based that on but she was fairly certain it was the truth. If they had been living here for so long he shouldn't have had to adjust to calling it 'our' house. But... perhaps this other girl had been a child, she did not know. She certainly acted like one. A scared disoriented child hanging onto her and trembling despite her larger-than-life stature.
"From now on, you two will have to take care of me... I'm going to sleep... I worked several days and nights to finish your bodies. I am tired. Feel free to explore the castle. But do not leave. If you get lost outside I will never find you again and there are dangerous creatures loose in the woods."
He stood up to leave, wobbling slightly as he made his way to the door. Well, that might have been the most truthful thing he said all the while. Judging from the stack of plates and empty coffee cups he had been living in this room for several weeks. The Golden-haired girl looked up to her sister with a confused look in her eyes.
"Onee-sama.... what do we do now?"
She was on her knees, down by the edge of the water. The ticking of a clock buzzed in her ears, ahh... that was why. She was once again in the middle of the lonely wilderness of a winter island. The snow was falling down on her wooden shoulders but she didn't feel the cold anymore. There was nothing left of her to strip away. She got to her feet and walked towards the edge of the frozen water. Rather than see her own mechanical body reflected in the ice, she was staring at the visage of a pirate captain.
The moon did not distract her this time, the all-consuming darkness had given way to a plain of frozen ice stretching as far as the eye could see, yet her silver eyes glowing in faintly purple hues stared directly at her human reflection alone.
"Who are you?!"
"Who are you?!"
Both of them questioned their reflection at the same time. Who was the one staring down into a pool, seeing only a shadow of themselves, and who was the one that was merely the reflection? Neither of them knew. Perhaps neither of them was in truth real, perhaps they both were... in different points in time. She had in this dream, for her awareness of the fact that she was still sleeping had come back to her, sat on both sides of this particular dream. Yet she never saw this part until now. She never once dreamed this part of the dream from the other side. Perhaps this time she would finally be able to hear...
"Haiki..."
"Sakura"
Both of them said in tandem. And this time she heard it loud and clear. was that her name? Sakura? But... how many times had she heard that in this dream... how many times would she forget it as soon as she woke up. She only ever remembered this dream when she was in it. And even then her awareness was fragmented, shattered. She remembered and forgot so much as the dream played out. This nightmare was trying to tell her something. Something important, yet the moment she woke up it all drained away again. But for now, at this moment, there was only one question that burned on her mind.
"Am I, you?"
"Are you... me?"
Both voices, both her voices rang out once more in perfect sync. She already knew the answer by the sheer fact that both of them asked the exact same question. She clawed at her hair. getting up and staggering back from the icy pool. the words of the Marine from before echoed in her mind.
"...did you ever consider that you have a habit of doing exactly the things that end up causing what you are most afraid of?... "
But the voice that said it wasn't hers. It wasn't even her own. She knew why that was the voice she was hearing now. She had known it from the moment this dream started. She clasped her hand over her mouth. Silent tears ran down her no longer human face. She walked forwards, stepping onto the frozen pond and staring up at the moon overhead. She closed her eyes and simply stood there. her tears falling onto the frozen pond.
"I was never brave.."
The voice rose from the pond beneath her. Echoing through the mirror of frozen glass. It was her own voice, her voice from long ago, telling her things she already knew. Things she hated herself for right now. There were so many things she wanted to shout back at her own reflection. So many things that were ripping her heart to shreds, but even admitting them to herself was too painful. The words themselves to hollow, too bereft of meaning. even if she shouted them out loud, all she was doing was cursing herself out, there was no point. She knew exactly what a coward she was for trying to deny it. It had been years since that day she first awoke in the laboratory. She had known Victor was lying from the start, but she had never said anything. She had always kept quiet.
So many innocent people had passed through that laboratory. They came out the other end robbed of something precious. Yet never once had she said a word, never once had she tried to stop him. She should have just done it then, one punch was all it had taken to put a stop to the horrors that she bore responsibility for. But even worse than that. She had never once told her. That girl was too innocent, she had never seen it. She knew and she should have said something but she was scared. Her heart to fragile to lose the last person in the world she cared about. Even though she knew something was wrong she had ignored it. And before she realized it had grown to care about her. So much so that losing her was more than she could bear. Yet she realized it some time ago.. the dark history that chained them together. And one day it would rip them both to shreds.
"I ran away a lot..."
She fell to her knees, her tears streaming down her face. Why wouldn't she stop? Please, just stop. Her fist pounded the ice, powerless, helpless to stop her own insecurities from tearing her down. She knew all of it. Somewhere deep within her cold mechanical heart, she had known all of this. But it was easier to pretend like she didn't remember. It was so much easier to play pretend.
"But when did I start lying to myself?"
The hand covering her mouth slip away, a bestial roar escaped her mouth. Her fears, her confusion, her sadness, and her anger merging into an inhuman howl that shook the very world around her. The moon cracked... the moon represented her heart... her life. Deep inside her wooden chest, it was the light of the sun, of the moon that sustained her and kept her going so it was only fitting that that was the thing that cracked when her heart itself shattered,
"I don't know... I don't care!"
Even now she frantically denied the truth she had known for some time. It didn't matter. She wouldn't lose the last thing she cared about. Not again. Why, was the world so unfair? Her fists kept pounding the ice beneath her. It began to crack and tear and her refraction distorted.
"You love her, don't you? She's your sister, right?"
Her fist pounded the ice harder. As cracks ran through the mirror of her soul, the moon overhead dimmed. The cracks running along its surface ran edge to edge. It was about to shatter altogether. Her tears fell hot and heavy on the ice, melting through it like acid. The entire world shook, the ground beneath the endless field of snow rumbled and cracked as this entire world came undone at its seams.
"I love you too... right now. But I won't forgive you for lying to me. Onee-chan. "
One last stab, the sword piercing her heart that shattered her wooden chest. The Moon overhead burst. It fell down on her like flakes of glowing snow. She cried, savage and unbound her tears were like molten flame, burning trenches in her cheeks. They fell onto her hands catching the wood aflame. The cinders of the shattered moon kindling the blaze that was consuming her. A bright white fire was consuming her, Her fist pounded the ice as her cries echoed through the barren world. The glowing cinders still falling like snow from the sky turned into ash. Her brittle fist, weakened by flame crumbled away like ash. Like the visage of her own broken body, she had seen carried away from that frozen battlefield, her legs and left arm withered in the flames of guilt consuming her. Burning away the shell she had build to shield herself from the truth.
She raised her right arm. Desperately trying to shatter the mirror that kept whispering terrifying truth into her mind. Her fist pounded on the ice with a desperation that could only be born from something that went beyond fear alone...
"If i knew what you did..."
"What you took from me..."
"What you hid from me..."
She wanted to cover her ears. She couldn't bear to hear that accusation. Not in that voice. Anything but that. Anything at all but that. Yet no amount of pleading cries to herself stopped the terror her sleeping mind had conjured for her. Her deepest, darkest fears pounded at her psyche with a determination and savagery that was only matched by the desperation with which she herself struck her battered fist against the ice beneath her, again, and again and again.
"I would never stop chasing you. "
"I would never forgive you."
With a savage cry of guilty and pain, her fist finally shattered the ice. She fell through, the cold icy water extinguished the fire consuming her body as she sank away into the depths of her own despair...
She sat up straight. her eyes could see every detail of the shadowy room with perfect clarity. But it all felt wrong. Why was she in this room, this was not her room, those shapes were not familiar. She rested her hand against her forehead. She expected herself to be drenched in a cold sweat and yet her forehead was as dry as a sheet of fresh paper. An irrational fear beat inside her chest. Where was she, what was going on?! How did she get here, into this strange and unfamiliar place? Her chest rose as if she was heaving deep breaths but air only whistled from between her lips as she exhaled She drew nothing into her lungs.
No, this was their room, that's right. It was exactly the way she left it when she went to sleep. What was this intense unease? Was it a dream...? She closed her eyes, trying to hold on to details of something that was slipping through her fingers like water. The silken sheets slipped further down her body as she threw back her head. Her eyes stared at the wooden ceiling of the four-poster bed. Ahh... it was that dream again...
She slipped free from the bedding entirely, her wooden toes softly touching the carpet at the bedside as her hands pulled open the curtains. Right, her ashen hands that had lost all feeling long before she could remember, A haunting nightmare that reminded her that once a human heart beat inside that cold wooden breast. And yet, the moment she awoke from that nightmare the details faded from her mind faster than she could recall them.
Silver eyes, ringed by a soft glow of pink that made them light up the darkness looked back at the figure sleeping in the bed beside her. Golden locks of jagged hair strewn messily about her pillow. Her eyes closed, the tanned skin only faintly different in hue to her own pale ashen face. A body crafted of gold and wood. Kiki was yet sleeping blissfully in the warm embrace of the silken sheets she had cast off. Her wooden hand brushed softly through the hair of her sleeping sister. A sigh escaping through her lips. She knew, their faces were identical to one another's in all but color, but in the shaded gloom of a room lit only in pale moonlight falling through a window on the other side of the room even that difference between them fell away. Yet why did she feel like that face was not hers, why did she feel it was not her own?
Her sister turned in her sleep, the soft brush through her hair disturbing her just enough to cause her to turn around in her sleep. She stood up, passing through the curtains of the bed and closing them behind her. She didn't need to wake her sister when her nights were unburdened by strange dreams and haunting thoughts. The silver-haired clockwork doll walked silently past the bookshelf, her hands brushing the spines of countless books as she passed them. A dusty spine, sticking out just a little further than the others caught her hand and she pulled it from the shelf before making her way towards the window. The pale moonlight shining through the large gothic-style window illuminated her form in the pale ghostly light. Her ashen skin, the softly hued smooth wooden curves, the thin nightgown that should leave her shivering in a cold drafty castle like this. But she could only remember what it was like to be cold in her dreams. She sat down in the windowsill, her back against the stones of the deeply set alcove in the wall.
She closed her eyes for a moment. The light on her wooden body was a pleasant sensation, something that she could truly feel. Something real as opposed to the half-forgotten shadows of a past that haunted her only in her nightmares. She cracked open the book and laid it out on the stone in front of her, leaning forwards to read in the pale light of the moon. A drop of water fell down on the pages below her. And another. And another, the old paper growing thin as the droplets wore them through translucent. Curse that old man, how could he still leave her with tears left to cry...
A pair of arms wrapped around her. A head rested on her shoulder. A soft gentle warmth. Ahh... she had woken her up after all...
"That nightmare again...?"
Ahh... she hated it when her sister knew exactly what she was she was thinking. She hated it so much, yet she could not help but take the hand that was embracing her in her own. The world felt so distant in this body, but she was the one thing she could feel with perfect clarity. The two of them were cut from the same tree after all. Both literally and figuratively.
"Yes..."
"It's just a bad dream..."
no, it wasn't. It was so much more, she knew that. She knew why her mind was trying so hard to forget that dream. Why she needed to let that distant past rest. And yet, she couldn't. This closeness, this tenderness. It was a lie. This castle, their bond. It was all a lie. She opened her eyes to look out of the window. Snow was falling here too, on this winter island where they had been reborn. It was nostalgic and yet the tears did not stop rolling down her cheeks.
"Kiki... are we friends now?"
A soft chuckle escaped the sun-tanned mirror to her dour self. A soft encouraging squeeze of her hand told her everything she needed to know.
"What are you talking about Onee-sama... We're sisters... Of course, we are!"
She raised her hand in front of her mouth. The tears were falling now in earnest, her body heaved as she cried. Even though she no longer had lungs to draw breath, her body had not yet forgotten what it felt like to truly feel, to truly cry and it trembled and shivered.
"I see... in another life huh... Kiki... can we stay like this... a little longer...?"
This haunting battlefield was cold, not just in truth but metaphorically too. She raised her hand to cover her mouth, silent tears running down her pale cheeks as the pain of loss demanded its toll from her. Why was this happening now, why was that accursed woman so determined to take everything she cared about.
"Captain..."
"Don't say anything... I will kill her this time. So our friends can sleep in peace."
She pulled low the feathered bonnet to cover her eyes in the shade of its brim, the tears were running hot down her cheeks. They rolled down to the tip of her chin and by then the biting cold of this winter wonderland froze them before they could drop and join the flakes of snow falling like ash upon this battlefield. The sounds of distant battle reached the small group of pirates. There were still people fighting. There was still something left for them to fight for. She ran her hand across her tear-stained face, wiping away tears both fresh and frozen with a trembling hand.
"We will pour out a bottle of sake for them later. We aren't completely too late. Men, let's go!"
The trembling hand balled into a fist and that fist was raised into the air in defiance. Worry, sadness, and pain all served only to inflame her heart. This wasn't the time or place to mourn those they could no longer aid, not when there were still friends left alive that could be saved if they hurried. There was only a handful of them, but amongst that crew, they were the strongest, the officers and most experienced fighters she had taken with her to meet that cursed Marine head-on. They raised their weapons in agreeance, anger surging like a wave from them. Their voices carrying across the empty snow as their feet carried them charging forward.
The captain herself lingered a moment longer. What was this uneasiness in her breast? Was she scared? Yes... as embarrassing as that was to admit, she was. She pulled the fur-covered neckline of her coat tight. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold that surrounded her ran through her body. Was she about to live that tragedy again? Why did it keep repeating? Each and every time she finally thought she found a place where she could belong, the cruel fates ripped it out from under her.
Her boots stepped through the snow, following the tracks laid out by her friends and companions. The distant sounds of battle grew closer but her mind was lingering in the past. Tragedy seemed to hound her every step. What was it like, she wondered; to live a life not constantly haunted by the fear of losing those you came to care about? She knew it once. As a little girl. She remembered those days even though she was so young. Sometimes she wondered if those memories were nothing but an illusion her mind had crafted to keep her going. A promise that happiness did exist, even if it was a fleeting dream that couldn't last.
But the doll that sat on the highest shelf in her captain's quarters, hidden behind the countless books she had acquired in the years since she was that innocent little girl told her that those days were real once. They had been real. Until her parents had been taken from her with sudden violence too. Once upon a time, before there had been a fierce Pirate Captain she was just a young girl, born to a well-off family who had no care in the world but what next to play with the doll that kept her company.
Was it just the fate of a pirate? That might be it. But she had never chosen to become one. She had to, her first crew was nothing like the family this one had become. They were fearsome, terrifying. They had taken her parents from her and she had hated them. But if she wanted to live she had no choice but to be like them. But that ended too... How many had there been now? four... no was it five different crews that she had belonged to? Whatever cruel god kept giving her new friends, new families to belong to also took them away. And right now it was all happening again.
Her hand clasped around the grip of the pistol she was carrying in the sash tied around the waist of her fur-lined coat. She clasped it with such a powerless force that the silver decorations on its handle dug into her flesh and another drop of crimson red fell into the footsteps she left behind in the snow. The winds had begun to pick up, drowning out the sounds of fighting around her as they whipped the falling flakes of snow into a frenzy. Yet as she walked forwards towards an inevitable battle, figures fighting like shadows in the edges of the snowstorm. Marine, pirate. She could no longer tell apart the figures raging in battle all around her. Like ghosts, their presence faded in and out of view.
Swords clashed, their ringing cry howling fiercer than even the howling storm. The cries of men as duels were settled and those swords lash out to extinguish another life in this meaningless fight. The two people at the center of this raging storm hated each other, wanted to kill each other but was that just their fate? Their duty as those who had chosen opposite paths in life? Her pistol belched out a bullet. A tear stoked in the corner of her eye. The marine charging her fell face-first into the snow. Life quelled by the fateful bullet from the captains' pistol. But the blood on his sword told her that she had lost another friend just moments before. But she had no more tears left to cry. She was drawn inexorably forward as if guided by an unseen force towards where her counterpart was waiting.
That woman stood alone in the snow. Surrounded by corpses with deep gashes across their chests, the bloody saber grasped in her hands. A smile colored her lips, how could she still smile like that standing in the mids of so many dead. how did she smile having cut down the captain's friends like rabid animals? Was it revenge for the fallen marines that also lay about her, no doubt slain by the pirates who had fallen at the Majors sword? She didn't know. But as the two women crossed eyes they could tell, neither of them was feeling any happiness here. This was nothing but a slaughter that was slowly stripping both of them of everything they were fighting to protect. That smile did nothing but hide the pain of a heart as deeply wounded as her own. Yet for all their similarities, they were destined to fight. There was no recourse but to fight. If they could save but one of their friends they would have to do it by claiming victory over the other. This frigid wasteland was where the story of their rivalry was destined to end. In blood.
"Looks like you finally showed up, Cherry Bomb. No... since it seems that only one of us is going to leave here alive. I suppose I should call you ######...?"
"#####!!!"
The howling wind devoured the two women's names, so that only her anguished cry resounded over this field of despair. No... even she couldn't remember them... why was that? A moment of hesitation in her mind allowed her enemy to make the first move. The marine major lunged forwards, her sword aimed directly at the Pirate's heart.
The cold steel pierced her chest. The frigid cold of the blade shattered her skin and caused her blood to freeze in her veins. Was this it, the end. This ignoble and pathetic excuse for a fight couldn't be how she died. She had been unable to do anything at all to avenge her friends. Her chest was so cold, despite the fact she had been wearing a coat a second ago, she could see the blade sticking out of her bare chest, piercing through pale white skin. The snow landing on her flesh froze it solid, her skin peeled and cracked but there was no blood. No. it wasn't even skin. She stared down at her hands. Pale like ash, her joints clearly visible mechanically gears moving beneath pale translucent flesh. Those were not her hands, these doll-like fingers of wood weren't her fingers. This chest of shattered wood was not her own.
The sun was setting. No... it wasn't. It hung deathly still in the sky yet that very sky had turned into shades of orange and red like it did just before twilight. No... this was wrong... it was all wrong. It was still early in the afternoon. The falling snow had frozen in mid-air, it no longer fell nor moved, hanging in place ever so still. The marine major advanced on her, her distorted smile the only thing visible in a face that has become naught but a black shadowed mass. A cruel grinning face that held no warmth, no sadness. Every step her feet cracked the snow beneath them and with every step, the woman's ominous figure grew larger. When finally she reached the pirate kneeling defeated in the snow... a huge hand clasped her hair. The monstrous marine dragged her through the snow, kicking and screaming.
Tears ran down her face. Her skin was cracking as she was dragged past the faceless bodies of her comrades. She couldn't remember a single one of them. Not a single name crossed her mind as she desperately tried to remember their faces. The relentless monster dragged her across the snow by her hair. The relentless cold had made her skin go numb. Fear clutched her heart in ways it never had before. Was she about to die? Was that truly something to be this terrified off...? She had seen so many friends die over the years that perhaps joining them was the only way to end this endless pain thumping in her chest. Ahh... that's right... she had been stabbed, hadn't she.
She touched her hand to her chest but she felt nothing. there was no sword there, just a crack in a piece of rough wood. The monstrous marine had dragged her to the edge of a frozen pool, she threw the pirate down, like a ragdoll. Down by the edge of the water. The ticking of a clock buzzed in her ears, why? They were in the middle of the wilderness of a winter island. The snow finally resumed falling. yet she could no longer feel the snowflakes bursting on her skin. Stripping away her humanity wherever they touched her. She planted her hands into the snow, raising up her head. She needed to stand up, she didn't know why but every fiber of her being screamed at her to get up.
She could see something reflected in the icy pool. A faint glowing light. As her eyes fell onto the icy lake she could see the moon reflected in its surface. Why, it was noon only moments ago!? She looked around her. She was sitting at the edge of the frozen lake but everything else had been swallowed by darkness. nothing remained but the frozen surface stretching into the horizon and the moon high overhead that brought no light to the endless darkness surrounding her. She got to her feet. The pain was gone too. She stared up at the moon for a moment, dazed. confused. What was going on? Then her eyes caught sight of her own reflection in the icy pool...
...She narrowly dodged to avoid the sword aimed at her heart. The world was back to normal. Her opponent was right in front of her. Her momentary hesitation never happened and instead of dying, she raised her pistol to return fire. The bullet pierced the marine's chest and she was the one to fall over dead. But that stupid grin still remained on her face. She herself fell to her knees too. Why was she crying? Were tears of joy meant to feel like they were burning you alive? Was killing your enemy supposed to feel this heartwrenching? The marine's face changed. It was like watching a morbid picture show. Every single face it changed to was a friend. A friend she killed. She killed them by leading them to this battlefield. She shot them just now. Her tears fell endlessly into the snow as the parade of horror continued. Yet even as the pain cut through her heart and her lips uttered the words. Yet not a single one of the names of those closest to her she herself could hear... The howling winds of the snowstorm devoured them all. It grew steadily in pitch, fiercer, the winds grew sharper and the cold grew deeper until all the world was white and nothing remained.
...She narrowly dodged to avoid the sword aimed at her heart. The world was back to normal. Her opponent was right in front of her. And instead of dying, she raised her pistol to return fire. The marine raised her sword on the backstroke to block the bullet. It careened off the edge with the dry *caching* of a streel ball deflecting off a steel edge. Both women jumped back, opening the distance between them. They circled one another, each waiting for an opening to exploit.
"What a shame, if only you had not decided to raise a pirate's flag. In another life, we might have been friends."
Why, did her chest ache so much at those words? This woman had carved a bloody path through the comrades she broke bread with every day. The trail of bodies following this woman was at least as long as the one she had carved on this snowy battlefield. What of justice, what of right or wrong. They both were nothing but cold killers justifying themselves through their own conceits. This world was not so black and white, choices did not come so easily defined. Each of them stood here, driven not by ideals of justice or freedom or even just their own ambitions. It was nothing so grand, nothing so noble. This was just revenge for them both. Plain, simple, cold, and endlessly sad. neither of them would find any joy here, friends? What a stupid word to throw about now... The very reason they were clashing was that they had carved up each other's friendships till their hearts bled tears and their blood ran cold.
"Don't talk as if you know a single thing about me! From the start that was never a choice, I was allowed to make!"
Yet her heart still ached. Why? These feelings did not feel like her own, they were a distant ache that felt like someone else's feelings bleeding through into the rage and anger she herself felt. Another life, why was there such a foreboding weight attached to such words that surely were just offered up in jest. Why did a single moment that did not hold such weight feel so prophetic? And why, why did it make her heart feel so heavy with despair.
The flintlock in her hand spat out another steel projectile at that infuriating smiling face. Even though thoughts swirled in her head, this battle had lasted mere moments. The steel ball bit into the snow piled up on the ground. The major had pushed herself off from the snow, leaping forward into the pirate gunner's space. Her coat fluttered in the wind behind her. Even in this cold, she was still wearing that blasted symbol of her justice across her shoulders. How could that woman stand to fight in this cold with her arms bare like that? These northerners were something else. This entire blue seemed to be nothing but snow-covered freezing Islands. It was enough to make her long back to the ever-changing mess that was weather patterns on the grande line.
They had only left behind that cursed sea to escape a fate like this. Their strength was lacking. There were too many threats there that would have led to her crew's complete extermination. Ironic, the word tasted like ash and blood in her mouth but it was an inescapable conclusion. It was some vengeful god's twisted sense of Irony that had led them to find that very death they had been running from on some forsaken Island in the North blue instead... Dreams had gotten them nothing, they had attained nothing. The freedom they wished for had gotten them nothing but steel and blood instead. How did this woman speak of friendship while burying her heel in the corpse of her friendships? It pissed her off.
"You and your sham justice have taken everything from me. Look around you. What part of this is justice, Your men and my own lie dead or dying. Crying tears of blood and growing silent, wondering why we allowed them to die here, and for what? So you can spit on their graves and talk of being friends NOW? All you had to do was stop chasing us and none of this had to happen. It's all your fault, #####!!!"
Yet those accusations two were hollow, this dark fate was one they were both equally guilty of crafting for themselves. it had felt like a game for her, at first she was just another marine chasing after her and her crew. When did that start changing? When did she deliberately start antagonizing this woman? Why was it that she had longed for a rival to challenge her so much that she had shaped up someone else as her greatest nemesis? The thoughts were hazy, her memories clouded over like the misty breath she exhaled into the freezing cold. Her breast rose and fell with every breath, just a few seconds into this fight and it was more tiring, more draining than anything she had ever experienced.
The Major's sword offered a silent riposte to her verbal accusation. Her pistol answered in turn. She pulled her dagger from the jeweled sheath stuck into the sash of her waist, its blade angled down as she raised the glimmering edge to parry yet another blow. She locked the sword up between the blade and guard of her dagger. The marine's face was so close to hers that she could see her breathe out puffs of air that froze as relentlessly in the cold air as the breaths she drew herself. She raised her pistol towards that face, her finger pulled the trigger. She was truly going to end this once and for all. But a fist bit into her cheek. She might have stopped the Major's sword, but a fist fueled by anger and despair came out of left field to strike her squarely in the cheek.
Her head spun, the pistol belched its deadly steel ball but the force of the Major's fist had caused the pirate to miss. The wicked ball of death instead tore a chunk out of the Major's locks that had freed themselves out from under her marine cap. The captain stumbled backward, her hand running across her mouth as she wiped away the blood trickling down from her cracked lip. The Marine took a step back too.
"Stop chasing you? Like I could have! You did everything you could to make sure that I kept chasing you didn't you? Isn't this the fight you wanted!? Isn't this why you killed him? You should have known I'd chase you to the ends of the earth when you did that!"
Ahh... that's right... She had done something unforgivable... but.. who was it that she killed again. She knew it was important, a sin she could never erase. Something that would surely ruin everything. But... ruin what? The thoughts jumbled in her mind, they were strange and out of place. They did not belong at this moment... and why could she not remember what it was she had done to start all of this!? Had they really had this conversation? No... it was all wrong. Their fight had been a silent bitter struggle to the end. Why was she imagining these things?
Ahh... this was a dream? Right... this had happened a long time ago, hadn't it? Right, she had had this dream before. That marine only existed in her mind now. this fight stopped having meaning a long time ago. The world sped up, their clash played out before her while she was watching from a distance. A substitute rose from the snow, a version of her made manifest of her memories. A silhouette in black and white that went through the motions.
Sword and dagger clashed again, drawing sparks between them. She was a spectator now. All she had to do was watch. Again and again, steel met steel. the pistol belched lead in utter silence. Their lips moved but the words no longer resounded. The whole world had gone silent.
She sat down in the snow, taking the feathered cap from her head and dropping it in the snow beside her. Her blazing pink locks dancing in the wind as she pulled in her knees and rested her face against them. Why was she always crying so much whenever she saw this dream? Why did it keep haunting her in the dark hours of the night? Why. Why was she so determined to torment herself with a pain she couldn't take back?
"Do you regret it?"
She looked up as the voice questioned her. The major had taken off her coat and laid it down on the snow. She sat down beside her even as their two static counterparts in black and white continued their brutal and silent fight in the backdrop.
"I do... but I don't know why. I don't even remember your name... I don't even remember my own. I don't remember what happened between us, but I'm scared. I'm scared that when I do I'll lose something precious..."
She punched her fist down into the snow, she hated this feeling of powerlessness. She hated the confusion clouding her mind. Who was even talking now? Was she the captain who couldn't even remember her name or that thing that had stared back at her from that frozen pool? Her reflection was not her own, even looking over the two figures fighting their silent battle as she retreated into her own thoughts were devoid of detail. She had forgotten what her own face looked like. She filled in the blanks with the face that she now had to call her own but that was not what she used to look like. How could she shake off her worries when she couldn't even trust her own feelings?
"I see, but ######... I forgot too."
It was an airy statement, one that did not fit the context of where this conversation was happening at all. The two of them had only ever been sworn enemies, not once had they tried to understand one another, and not once had they sat down like this to discuss their feelings. Even now, she couldn't even hear her own name being called. This woman wasn't real either. The major fighting over there, even this one speaking to her. She too was just a projection born from frayed and shattered memories. Given voice and form in her dreams as a reflection of her own insecurities. She knew that, but she wasn't even sure who she was right now. She too was just a marionette in someone else's dreams. A player who did not have all the answers, running through a script of someone else's making.
"This fight only exists in your fears. I long since forgot. I am not the type to dwell on the past. Maybe you should stop coming here. You are only hurting yourself. "
That might be true, this place was not a kind dream. It was a nightmare that dragged to the surface memories of a past that someone had tried very hard to bury. Was it her? No... not just her. But what was done to her was only a small part of the story. She was scared of the truth she might find if she kept on digging. Yet her fingers clawed at the snow. Her shoulders trembled. Metaphorically or in truth, this uneasiness came from the fact that she was too scared of the truth to chase it with all her might.
This woman was just a mirror of herself. Even if she reflected her thoughts onto it. it ultimately only told her what she wanted to hear. No... it only told her what she thought that girl was thinking. She could never be sure if that comforting thought was true. She did seem like the type to simply take things as they are where she herself was the type to question everything but... that was exactly why she couldn't accept those comforting words as truth...
"But I have to know... if I don't and it ends up ruining all I have left what will I do..."
That was the fear that underpinned this all, wasn't it? If she truly remembered nothing when she woke up, why did she come back to this dream every night? Why did she spend all her dreaming hours talking to the figments of her own mind trying to quell fears about things that she would just forget when she woke up? Because even if the conscious thoughts faded when she opened her eyes.. the fears yet remained...
"You... did you ever consider that you have a habit of doing exactly the things that end up causing what you are most afraid of? "
A soft chuckle escaped the Captain, that was a truth that was hard to deny. It still hurt though. She was every bit as blunt as the woman she remembered... as her... But you'd think that her own mind would be more gentle in pointing out her own shortcomings.
She let herself fall back into the snow. The battle was drawing to a close. She knew this dream well... the time where she could sit and ask questions was drawing to an end. Their lives were fading, and as they came closer to killing one another the memory.. the dream drew to an end. It was pointless to fight against the inevitable passing of time. Even here in her own dreams, she wasn't in control of the passage of time...
The sudden onset of pain was expected, but it was never pleasant. Her consciousness was fading. She struggled to get up, to continue fighting. The wounds had accumulated from the fight even whilst she stepped outside of the experience herself. She tried to put her hand down in the snow to support herself, to push herself to her feet but slipped and fell face-first into the snow.... ahh that's right... you could not support yourself on a hand that wasn't there anymore. That sword had severed her arm before the conclusion of her fight. Her vision was blurring too. A wound above her eyes was leaking her vitality into it and all the world was turning red. This was it, the sad final conclusion to this fight. She was left lying face down in the snow, her body wrecked by a vengeance-fueled struggle that had gained her nothing. Both of them were dying, all they had succeeded in doing was killing each other. The sounds of battle had faded all around her. The blizzard raged, but even its howl had grown into a silent mourning call. It lamented the futility of their struggle.
On that day... several years ago... the 261st Marine Branch and the Wild Cherry pirates, on a small island in the South blue.. killed each other to a man. That was what the report would say.
But the dream wasn't over. The Nightmare was not over. Even as her sight blurred and even the sounds of the raging storm grew faint and distant, she remember that ringing. That accursed ringing sound of steel rings clattering against one another. A tall figure dressed in robes of black decorated by black feathers threaded across the lifeless battlefield. She remembered seeing him through blood-soaked eyes. With every step, the heavy pommel of a massive scythe sunk deep into the blanket of snow. The rings threaded through the bladed jostling a toling like the evening bells announcing the coming twilight. This she supposed, was the grim reaper, come to claim her soul. She didn't know if this visage was real or just her imagination, but the dream always ended like this. Always.
The black-robed figure knelt down next to the pirate's corpse. Her left arm was severed, both legs were left in the snow several feet away. Her injuries without a doubt fatal. Yet she stared up at him, with defiant, unseeing eyes. He chuckled, a deep unsettling laugh that made her shiver even though that bother had lost all ability to move a while ago.
"I see... still clinging to life, are you? How persistent. You will make for a fine specimen..."
Where was she? She could see nothing. The world was an inky black nothing in which she drifted in a state of quiet emptiness. She could feel nothing.
"Hoh.. you are awake aren't you? Well, that is fine... You will eventually forget this anyway... What was your name, girl?"
The words sounded strange, distant. She could hear someone speaking to her and yet it sounded, unlike any voice she had ever heard. That strange ticking sound was back. Like a clock in a quiet room, she could hear the buzzing of gears ticking over in the background, an ever-present noise at the edge of her range of hearing. She tried to draw breath, yet her chest did not rise. Her lungs did not fill with air. She panicked, she felt like she was suffocating and a crushing weight was pressing down on her. She needed to breathe... where was she, why couldn't she see anything. She tried moving her hand, but she couldn't feel anything. She couldn't feel her body at all, blind panic made itself master of her mind. She didn't answer the question, she couldn't.
"..."
Slowly she calmed down, she wasn't in pain anymore. Even if she could not draw breath it did not seem like she was suffocating. That's right... she had already died anyway hadn't she? Was this the afterlife then? It made sense that she did not have to breathe then but it would be nice if she could see something, or moved. Being stuck in eternal darkness didn't seem like much of a prospect. The voice however seemed to interpret her silence in a slightly different manner...
"I see, you don't know how to speak with that body yet do you...? Or perhaps the damage was so severe you can't speak anymore? No... the light shining behind those beautiful eyes I've crafted is that of a defiant soul that isn't yet ready to yield... but in time.. you will."
Even though his voice was distant, waxy and a little unsettling, she could hear and understand him just fine. He said she had eyes, so why couldn't she see? No... the things that voice said made very little sense to her, but if she had eyes that was enough. She focused herself on her senses. If she had eyes she should be able to see. Perhaps to her surprise, it actually worked, willing herself to see so desperately made it happen. Or maybe she could from the start and just had to remember to do so? What a strange thing. As the darkness clouding her eyes began to lift, she blinked. At least she could do that, that was useful to know. Especially because the world right now was overwhelmingly bright. Everything was too vibrant, the colors she saw were too sharply contrasted, it was too dazzling in a word.
The first thing she saw was the face of an old man, gaunt, spotted by black marks, and with a thin wispy silver beard. His head was mostly bald with tufts of grey hair sprouting just above and indeed from his ears. A tiny horn-rimmed spectacle teetered on the tip of a crooked nose, hiding a pair of bright but cold blue eyes that were looking at her with curiosity. He was holding some sort of knife-like tool up unpleasantly close to her face, a blood-splattered leather apron covered his chest and lap and several more blood-covered tools lay in his lap. She wanted to scream, to frantically move her head to look about her but even though her eyes moved from side to side her head refused to turn.
"Ahh, curious about where you are? Well... you were quite damaged when the Vulture brought you in. Don't worry... I'll fix you up good as new. the two of you will be my greatest masterpieces. Now.. try not to scream.. too much my dear. "
He bought that strange device up to her face, but even though she could feel the wet sensation on the side of her head, there was no pain. She knew exactly what it was, but still, she could feel nothing. once again, her world was taken away and the comforting veil of darkness swallowed away all sensation. There was nothing left, just darkness.
Where was she? It was strange... she had the strangest feeling that she had woken up before, in this very room. Yet she didn't remember it at all... Who was she? Who was she? There was nothing at all. Her mind was screaming the answer to that question but she couldn't hear it at all.
Tik-tik-tik
The ratcheting sound of clockwork gears catching was pounding in her ears. It was drowning out the world with deafening intensity. She couldn't tell where it was coming from. No... it seemed to be coming from everywhere around her and yet nowhere at the same time. There was a man standing in front of her. His swarthy face, gaunt and covered in liver spots was completely unfamiliar to her. His whispy grey beard drew a blank in her mind and yet those cold blue eyes looking so triumphantly at her from behind those horned rimmed spectacles were somehow.... familiar? Who was he? What was he saying? The ratcheting gears were drowning out his words even though she saw his lips moving. And finally, something truly 'clicked'. The deafening sound of a ticking clock came from inside her.
She raised up her hand, and for a brief moment, she was glad she had a hand to obey her command. Her fingers moved. Well, she supposed they were her finger at least. Wooden digits, thin and elegant moved with a clockwork precision that felt both completely alien and yet like they were her fingers. Her hands. The sensation was new, strange exciting, and scary all at once. But the burning question remained. Who was she? Where was she? What was she?
"Who am I?"
The voice that rang out from her mouth was strange. Was that her voice? This melodious, warm, contralto voice was as foreign to her as the look of her hand. She blinked, yet even though the world darkened for a moment, she could make out every vein lining the inside of her eyelid with perfect clarity. As her eyes opened, for a moment she could see every single long and delicate eyelash at the end of those ashen lids flash in front of her vision. This absolute clarity, these unusually vibrant colors. Why did the world look so different? Different? Different from what. Try as she might she could not remember a single moment before this one. yet she could understand the words she spoke, as her eyes scanned across the room she found herself in, concepts like table, coffeecup, knife, pot. They were familiar to her, they conjured an understanding of what they were and their purpose inside of her mind but as far as she knew this was the first time she had ever laid eyes on those things.
"#####, #####!"
The man in front of her was repeating a word at her, one that had no context nor meaning to her at all. She ignored him, there was no meaning to responding to something she could not understand. She was more interested in the room. As her eyes fell on different things in the room, more words came into clarity in her mind. Wall, Cabinet, Bookshelf, Book, Cover, Spine... A history of medicine in twelve volumes? III. A... title? Ahh... she could read. How interesting. How come? Children had to learn to read, didn't they? Child? Was she one? She only just realized she was alive but her hand was too big to be a child's, no... her hand wasn't human at all... She understood all of these concepts even if she wasn't entirely sure where and how she had come to know them. She supposed that she must have learned them before she became aware of her existence. Somehow? Somewhere? But if she was not a child, if her hand wasn't human... That just brought her back to her first questions.
"Who am I? Where am I? What am I?"
"#####!!"
The man snapped his fingers in front of her face. That word again, he tried to use it to get her attention. Then when it did not he snapped his fingers at her... maybe...
"Haiki... is that my name?"
She tried repeating the word, it was strange. It was not a word she knew, not a word she remembered. But it didn't feel like her name. Yet the man smile faintly, apparently pleased.
"Yes, you are Haiki Yggdrassil. She is Kiki. Your sister... And I am Victor. Your papa."
Every instinct told her this man was lying, that he was dangerous. That she should raise up her fist now and cave in his skull. But something he said held her back...
"Onee-sama... "
Someone put her arms around her. That soft, sweet soprano voice that called out to her with confusion and a slight hint of fear in her voice put her heart in turmoil. The embrace held a warmth, a closeness, and tender familiarity that somehow put her racing mind at ease. She was startled and stood as if rooted to the spot as she let her eyes fall on the girl that was putting her arms around her. Her sister? She held up her own hand. The color of the wood that comprised their limbs were different but the design was the same. Both of them were almost a head and a half taller than the man who claimed to be their father. But her assessment that she was not human was only reinforced when she looked over the woman embracing her. The words that her mind conjured when she looked at her were not those that you'd attribute to a person. Doll, puppet whichever she chose it made her heart feel empty.
Yet when she looked at that sunkissed hair something about that doll-like figure made her feel for the first time she recognized something at all. She wasn't sure if this was a good feeling. On the one hand, she felt like she wanted to punch this girl just as much as she did the old man. Something was terribly wrong with her and she couldn't put into words what. But... at the same time, she felt a kindred bond that she had even more trouble putting into words. A bond that seemed to suggest that they were one and the same. two beings cut from the same material. Sister... that was as good a word for it as any. She hesitated for a moment before returning the embrace with some trepidation before looking over the man who was watching them curiously and scribbling something down in a pocket notebook.
"Victor... You are human.. right? How could you be our... parent? We are clearly not... What ARE we?"
The man began to cough, sinking down onto a chair. The yellow-haired doll made a motion as if to help him but the man held up a hand as if to stop her and the girl held herself back. He continued to cough into his hand before wiping the trace of blood away on his pant leg and adjusting his tiny spectacles as he looked her over.
"I am sick, I'm sure you can tell. I will eventually die. You two... my precious daughters were afflicted with this very same sickness. You were at death's door long before I was... my research is still incomplete but... you two could no longer wait. I turned you into this... "
He motioned at a mirror mounted on the far wall, yet she did not look into it. She did not want to take her eyes of the man. The way he called them his precious daughters made her feel intensely uncomfortable. She didn't believe a word of it. Not any of it... Besides she had a fairly good idea of what she would see if she did. Colors aside, she assumed she'd look identical to the other girl. in contrast to her, that girl was either more naive or just more gullible. The look of concern on her face and the way she whispered... "Papa... " told her as much. But she wouldn't be fooled. The story was convenient... too much so.
"..to save your lives. Unfortunately, the shock of the procedure seems to have been too much for your frail bodies... you don't remember me do you?"
Both girls shook their heads, one of them sadly the other reluctantly but both denied remembering the man at all. The smile he gave might have been meant to seem reassuring. But all she saw on his face was the shadow of greed and jubilation. It wasn't endearing or kind at all. She clenched her fist, her joints creaked but she felt nothing at all.
"I see... then where are we? Which island is this?"
Even if she did not trust him, he was the only one that seemed to know... well anything. She wasn't even sure why she was so certain they were on an island. But she was sure all the same...
"Hoh.. you still remember you are on an island?How rare... This is Karakuri Island. To be precise The Future Kingdom Baldimore. This castle is my... no our house, Yggdrasil Manor. "
Suspicious. Having to correct himself like that if they were truly his daughters was too suspicious. They were adults.. well their bodies appeared like them at least... She did not feel like a child, she wasn't quite sure what she based that on but she was fairly certain it was the truth. If they had been living here for so long he shouldn't have had to adjust to calling it 'our' house. But... perhaps this other girl had been a child, she did not know. She certainly acted like one. A scared disoriented child hanging onto her and trembling despite her larger-than-life stature.
"From now on, you two will have to take care of me... I'm going to sleep... I worked several days and nights to finish your bodies. I am tired. Feel free to explore the castle. But do not leave. If you get lost outside I will never find you again and there are dangerous creatures loose in the woods."
He stood up to leave, wobbling slightly as he made his way to the door. Well, that might have been the most truthful thing he said all the while. Judging from the stack of plates and empty coffee cups he had been living in this room for several weeks. The Golden-haired girl looked up to her sister with a confused look in her eyes.
"Onee-sama.... what do we do now?"
She was on her knees, down by the edge of the water. The ticking of a clock buzzed in her ears, ahh... that was why. She was once again in the middle of the lonely wilderness of a winter island. The snow was falling down on her wooden shoulders but she didn't feel the cold anymore. There was nothing left of her to strip away. She got to her feet and walked towards the edge of the frozen water. Rather than see her own mechanical body reflected in the ice, she was staring at the visage of a pirate captain.
The moon did not distract her this time, the all-consuming darkness had given way to a plain of frozen ice stretching as far as the eye could see, yet her silver eyes glowing in faintly purple hues stared directly at her human reflection alone.
"Who are you?!"
"Who are you?!"
Both of them questioned their reflection at the same time. Who was the one staring down into a pool, seeing only a shadow of themselves, and who was the one that was merely the reflection? Neither of them knew. Perhaps neither of them was in truth real, perhaps they both were... in different points in time. She had in this dream, for her awareness of the fact that she was still sleeping had come back to her, sat on both sides of this particular dream. Yet she never saw this part until now. She never once dreamed this part of the dream from the other side. Perhaps this time she would finally be able to hear...
"Haiki..."
"Sakura"
Both of them said in tandem. And this time she heard it loud and clear. was that her name? Sakura? But... how many times had she heard that in this dream... how many times would she forget it as soon as she woke up. She only ever remembered this dream when she was in it. And even then her awareness was fragmented, shattered. She remembered and forgot so much as the dream played out. This nightmare was trying to tell her something. Something important, yet the moment she woke up it all drained away again. But for now, at this moment, there was only one question that burned on her mind.
"Am I, you?"
"Are you... me?"
Both voices, both her voices rang out once more in perfect sync. She already knew the answer by the sheer fact that both of them asked the exact same question. She clawed at her hair. getting up and staggering back from the icy pool. the words of the Marine from before echoed in her mind.
"...did you ever consider that you have a habit of doing exactly the things that end up causing what you are most afraid of?... "
But the voice that said it wasn't hers. It wasn't even her own. She knew why that was the voice she was hearing now. She had known it from the moment this dream started. She clasped her hand over her mouth. Silent tears ran down her no longer human face. She walked forwards, stepping onto the frozen pond and staring up at the moon overhead. She closed her eyes and simply stood there. her tears falling onto the frozen pond.
"I was never brave.."
The voice rose from the pond beneath her. Echoing through the mirror of frozen glass. It was her own voice, her voice from long ago, telling her things she already knew. Things she hated herself for right now. There were so many things she wanted to shout back at her own reflection. So many things that were ripping her heart to shreds, but even admitting them to herself was too painful. The words themselves to hollow, too bereft of meaning. even if she shouted them out loud, all she was doing was cursing herself out, there was no point. She knew exactly what a coward she was for trying to deny it. It had been years since that day she first awoke in the laboratory. She had known Victor was lying from the start, but she had never said anything. She had always kept quiet.
So many innocent people had passed through that laboratory. They came out the other end robbed of something precious. Yet never once had she said a word, never once had she tried to stop him. She should have just done it then, one punch was all it had taken to put a stop to the horrors that she bore responsibility for. But even worse than that. She had never once told her. That girl was too innocent, she had never seen it. She knew and she should have said something but she was scared. Her heart to fragile to lose the last person in the world she cared about. Even though she knew something was wrong she had ignored it. And before she realized it had grown to care about her. So much so that losing her was more than she could bear. Yet she realized it some time ago.. the dark history that chained them together. And one day it would rip them both to shreds.
"I ran away a lot..."
She fell to her knees, her tears streaming down her face. Why wouldn't she stop? Please, just stop. Her fist pounded the ice, powerless, helpless to stop her own insecurities from tearing her down. She knew all of it. Somewhere deep within her cold mechanical heart, she had known all of this. But it was easier to pretend like she didn't remember. It was so much easier to play pretend.
"But when did I start lying to myself?"
The hand covering her mouth slip away, a bestial roar escaped her mouth. Her fears, her confusion, her sadness, and her anger merging into an inhuman howl that shook the very world around her. The moon cracked... the moon represented her heart... her life. Deep inside her wooden chest, it was the light of the sun, of the moon that sustained her and kept her going so it was only fitting that that was the thing that cracked when her heart itself shattered,
"I don't know... I don't care!"
Even now she frantically denied the truth she had known for some time. It didn't matter. She wouldn't lose the last thing she cared about. Not again. Why, was the world so unfair? Her fists kept pounding the ice beneath her. It began to crack and tear and her refraction distorted.
"You love her, don't you? She's your sister, right?"
Her fist pounded the ice harder. As cracks ran through the mirror of her soul, the moon overhead dimmed. The cracks running along its surface ran edge to edge. It was about to shatter altogether. Her tears fell hot and heavy on the ice, melting through it like acid. The entire world shook, the ground beneath the endless field of snow rumbled and cracked as this entire world came undone at its seams.
"I love you too... right now. But I won't forgive you for lying to me. Onee-chan. "
One last stab, the sword piercing her heart that shattered her wooden chest. The Moon overhead burst. It fell down on her like flakes of glowing snow. She cried, savage and unbound her tears were like molten flame, burning trenches in her cheeks. They fell onto her hands catching the wood aflame. The cinders of the shattered moon kindling the blaze that was consuming her. A bright white fire was consuming her, Her fist pounded the ice as her cries echoed through the barren world. The glowing cinders still falling like snow from the sky turned into ash. Her brittle fist, weakened by flame crumbled away like ash. Like the visage of her own broken body, she had seen carried away from that frozen battlefield, her legs and left arm withered in the flames of guilt consuming her. Burning away the shell she had build to shield herself from the truth.
She raised her right arm. Desperately trying to shatter the mirror that kept whispering terrifying truth into her mind. Her fist pounded on the ice with a desperation that could only be born from something that went beyond fear alone...
"If i knew what you did..."
"What you took from me..."
"What you hid from me..."
She wanted to cover her ears. She couldn't bear to hear that accusation. Not in that voice. Anything but that. Anything at all but that. Yet no amount of pleading cries to herself stopped the terror her sleeping mind had conjured for her. Her deepest, darkest fears pounded at her psyche with a determination and savagery that was only matched by the desperation with which she herself struck her battered fist against the ice beneath her, again, and again and again.
"I would never stop chasing you. "
"I would never forgive you."
With a savage cry of guilty and pain, her fist finally shattered the ice. She fell through, the cold icy water extinguished the fire consuming her body as she sank away into the depths of her own despair...
She sat up straight. her eyes could see every detail of the shadowy room with perfect clarity. But it all felt wrong. Why was she in this room, this was not her room, those shapes were not familiar. She rested her hand against her forehead. She expected herself to be drenched in a cold sweat and yet her forehead was as dry as a sheet of fresh paper. An irrational fear beat inside her chest. Where was she, what was going on?! How did she get here, into this strange and unfamiliar place? Her chest rose as if she was heaving deep breaths but air only whistled from between her lips as she exhaled She drew nothing into her lungs.
No, this was their room, that's right. It was exactly the way she left it when she went to sleep. What was this intense unease? Was it a dream...? She closed her eyes, trying to hold on to details of something that was slipping through her fingers like water. The silken sheets slipped further down her body as she threw back her head. Her eyes stared at the wooden ceiling of the four-poster bed. Ahh... it was that dream again...
She slipped free from the bedding entirely, her wooden toes softly touching the carpet at the bedside as her hands pulled open the curtains. Right, her ashen hands that had lost all feeling long before she could remember, A haunting nightmare that reminded her that once a human heart beat inside that cold wooden breast. And yet, the moment she awoke from that nightmare the details faded from her mind faster than she could recall them.
Silver eyes, ringed by a soft glow of pink that made them light up the darkness looked back at the figure sleeping in the bed beside her. Golden locks of jagged hair strewn messily about her pillow. Her eyes closed, the tanned skin only faintly different in hue to her own pale ashen face. A body crafted of gold and wood. Kiki was yet sleeping blissfully in the warm embrace of the silken sheets she had cast off. Her wooden hand brushed softly through the hair of her sleeping sister. A sigh escaping through her lips. She knew, their faces were identical to one another's in all but color, but in the shaded gloom of a room lit only in pale moonlight falling through a window on the other side of the room even that difference between them fell away. Yet why did she feel like that face was not hers, why did she feel it was not her own?
Her sister turned in her sleep, the soft brush through her hair disturbing her just enough to cause her to turn around in her sleep. She stood up, passing through the curtains of the bed and closing them behind her. She didn't need to wake her sister when her nights were unburdened by strange dreams and haunting thoughts. The silver-haired clockwork doll walked silently past the bookshelf, her hands brushing the spines of countless books as she passed them. A dusty spine, sticking out just a little further than the others caught her hand and she pulled it from the shelf before making her way towards the window. The pale moonlight shining through the large gothic-style window illuminated her form in the pale ghostly light. Her ashen skin, the softly hued smooth wooden curves, the thin nightgown that should leave her shivering in a cold drafty castle like this. But she could only remember what it was like to be cold in her dreams. She sat down in the windowsill, her back against the stones of the deeply set alcove in the wall.
She closed her eyes for a moment. The light on her wooden body was a pleasant sensation, something that she could truly feel. Something real as opposed to the half-forgotten shadows of a past that haunted her only in her nightmares. She cracked open the book and laid it out on the stone in front of her, leaning forwards to read in the pale light of the moon. A drop of water fell down on the pages below her. And another. And another, the old paper growing thin as the droplets wore them through translucent. Curse that old man, how could he still leave her with tears left to cry...
A pair of arms wrapped around her. A head rested on her shoulder. A soft gentle warmth. Ahh... she had woken her up after all...
"That nightmare again...?"
Ahh... she hated it when her sister knew exactly what she was she was thinking. She hated it so much, yet she could not help but take the hand that was embracing her in her own. The world felt so distant in this body, but she was the one thing she could feel with perfect clarity. The two of them were cut from the same tree after all. Both literally and figuratively.
"Yes..."
"It's just a bad dream..."
no, it wasn't. It was so much more, she knew that. She knew why her mind was trying so hard to forget that dream. Why she needed to let that distant past rest. And yet, she couldn't. This closeness, this tenderness. It was a lie. This castle, their bond. It was all a lie. She opened her eyes to look out of the window. Snow was falling here too, on this winter island where they had been reborn. It was nostalgic and yet the tears did not stop rolling down her cheeks.
"Kiki... are we friends now?"
A soft chuckle escaped the sun-tanned mirror to her dour self. A soft encouraging squeeze of her hand told her everything she needed to know.
"What are you talking about Onee-sama... We're sisters... Of course, we are!"
She raised her hand in front of her mouth. The tears were falling now in earnest, her body heaved as she cried. Even though she no longer had lungs to draw breath, her body had not yet forgotten what it felt like to truly feel, to truly cry and it trembled and shivered.
"I see... in another life huh... Kiki... can we stay like this... a little longer...?"
