Vontanna's Training Ground

[risaka]

Character’s Name:– Vontanna F. Risa
Profile:– Update Profile
Devil Fruit:– Kuro Kuro no Mi
Current X-Poinz:– 848

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Name:– Kuro Kuro no Mi
Focus:– Devil Fruit
Rank:– D
New Aspect:– Power Crackle (electrical discharge)

    Power Crackle is a modus where the user absorbs their pent up heat in their body and transfer it into their jet, creating an energized mineral that discharges wild electrical currents. Because of the mineral's great conductivity the user can manipulate the jet to direct and time their discharges. Any technique making use of this shocking element will have an extra oomph to it.



Name:– Leg Spike: Bolt!
Original:– Leg Spike *Risa heavily prefers to deliver strikes with a certain distance between her and the opponent. With a focused angled kick into the ground she produces many large spiky objects made out of Jet up from the ground, the tips pointing forward.*
Rank:– 2 (Aspect) | 75 XPz
Description:– Risa's Leg Spike goes to another level by adding the electrical energy into her stomping kick. With the added potency she sprouts a surrounding space of the Jet spikes while discharging electricity into those getting pierced by them.


Name:– Splinter Piston

Fighting Style:– Kuro Kuro no Mi

Rank:– 1 | 50 XPz
Description:– With a clenching hand Risa forces an abnormal amount of jet around her arm until a large rock-like fist is formed. This single hand move makes use of Risa's body strength to add for a powerful punching move.


Name:– Splinter Piston: Burst!
Original:– *With a clenching hand Risa forces an abnormal amount of jet around her arm until a large rock-like fist is formed. This single hand move makes use of Risa's body strength to add for a powerful punching move.*
Rank:– 2 (Aspect) | 75 XPz
Description:– Channeling the pent up electrical power from her body Risa brings an extreme amount of it within the large chunk of a Jet hand. When charged up she can deliver a single punch that cuases the fist to burst from the discharge, effectively acting like an electrical frag grenade in the form of a large jet black fist.



Name:– Thorn Blade Style
Focus:– Swordmanship
Rank:– D | 200 XPz
New Aspect:– Blunt Edge (powerful slashes)
    
    Risa learns through rough handling of her blade that she can deliver potent blows by exerting greater forces into her swings with a whole another different intent other than cutting her target. Even with the sharp edge she delivers a blunt force upon impact, delivering enough force to shatter a great area around the blade's mass. Proving effective to push back another sworduser or simply go toe and toe against someone using a blunt weapon.



Name:– Focal Thrust
Fighting Style:– Thorn Blade style
Rank:– 1 | 50 XPz
Description:– Risa takes aim and points the tip of her straight saber to a target and pierces through the air with a swift forward dash. With precision she can hit right on the mark on short distances.


Name:– Focal Thrust: Split!
Original:– *Risa takes aim and points the tip of her straight saber to a target and pierces through the air with a swift forward dash. With precision she can hit right on the mark on short distances.*
Rank:– 2 (Aspect)| 75 XPz
Description:– Adding an overwhelming force into her blade Risa is effectively turning her thrust technique into a ground splitting crash. For example, with this technique she can thrust her sword so forcefully that it shatters the material rather stabbing it, resulting breaking the door open.



New D-Rank trait

Inhuman Resilience

Risa never likes to be on the ground and being on the verge of defeat. She is tough enough to take damage and get back up without paying much attention to her wounds. With a stubborn attitude she is someone that can go great lengths until finally falling down completely exhausted or fatigued.

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Summary:

548 xpz unused total.

Purchasing two FiSt upgrades (2 x 200xpz). For the first FiSt I make a rank 2(aspect) variant of the rank 1, costing 75xpz. Under the same FiSt I buy a rank 1 tech and a rank 2(aspect) variant with the 125 rebate.

For the second FiSt I purchase one rank 1 tech and a rank 2(aspect) variant with the 125 rebate.

Leaving me with 73 xpz left.

[Jade]

So, before I get into any specific feedback, I'm noticing that there seems to be some misunderstandings of how our systems work that I'd like to take a moment to address. For a start, the Current X-Poinz part of the template is really intended more for the character's current total XPz, not how much they have to spend; I can appreciate that you included this information, and it's honestly probably something we should add to the template, but I nearly denied all of this out of hand because I thought Risa only had a total of 548 XPz, meaning she wouldn't qualify to begin upgrading FiSts to D Class.

Moving down the list... Let's talk about Aspects. You're sort of on the right track here, and the two you've put up for approval here are definitely interesting, but it's important to note that Aspects are, essentially, modifiers you can include in a Technique to achieve their effect - they are not "passive" benefits that can be applied retroactively. Thus, if you want to make use of an Aspect, you actually need to create Techniques that make use of them! It's also worth mentioning that creating a Technique that uses an Aspect has its Rank raised for each Aspect applied to it; thus, if you wanted to make use of Power Crackle on the basic framework of Splinter Piston, you would need to create a Rank 3 variant of Splinter Piston that uses the Aspect.

That bit about Technique variants actually brings me to my third and final point - you can't "upgrade" Techniques in the manner you are attempting with Leg Spike. The Rank 1 version of it will exist within Risa's arsenal forever as something she is capable of, since you spent XPz on it, and there is no way to scrub it or significantly alter it. However, you can create a Rank 2 variant of Leg Spike, using the basic framework of the Technique and building on top of it. The best part of the Technique variant system is that you actually only pay the difference in XPz between the base Technique's Rank and the variant's; thus, if you were to pursue a Rank 2 variant of the Rank 1 Leg Spike, you would only need to pay 75 XPz for the new Technique.

If you have any questions about any of the information above, I would encourage you to voice them in the "site questions" channel in our Discord. In the meantime, I'll give you some time to adjust your application accordingly, rather than pushing ahead with an official staff assessment of things that you may wish to alter.

[risaka]

Forgot to respond, but did the edits.

[Jade]

Alrighty we're looking much better now. Approved! Make sure you update Risa's profile accordingly!