A Shocking Attraction [SUB]

[Vio]

Thread Title/Link:– A Shocking Attraction!
Location/Mission Number:– Funkyard, West Blue
Total Post Count:– 11
Brief Synopsis:– Two electrical inventors end up meeting up through unusual circumstances, sharing a brief moment of socialisation before heading off on their own.

---

Character Name/Link:– Veera Falcone
Played By:– Kami-Gaz
Individual Post Count:– 6
X-Poinz at Submission:– 300
Notable Feats:– Bagged herself a wanted man.

Character Name/Link:– Faraday Tess
Played By:– Vio
Individual Post Count:– 5
X-Poinz at Submission:– 300
Notable Feats:– Delivered an electric shock to an annoying punk!

---

Officially we ended on the day of the last post, but we both forgot to submit it.

[Flame]

I'll check this out. This'll be used for teaching grading so i'm unclaiming :P.

[Aromancer]

Hey guys. I'm gonna take over grading this for training purposes. Sorry it took so long to get around to it, but I promise you your thread'll be graded by the end of the day.

[Aromancer]

Character Name/Link:– Veera Falcone 
Played By:– Kami-Gaz
X-Poinz Earned:- 60 (6 Four Blues Posts) * 1.05 (Social) = 63
Total X-Poinz:- 363

Character Name/Link:– Faraday Tess
Played By:– Vio
X-Poinz Earned:- 50 (5 Four Blues Posts) * 1.15 (Social, Proactive, Developed) = 57.5 (rounding up to 58)
Total X-Poinz:- 358

SPOILER: Click to show

{Notes} Okay, so first of all, I absolutely LOVE both of your characters. I'm a sucker for nerd girls, and the combination of an electromagnetic gun and the Munja Rukavica turns yours into an especially formiddable pair. I'm almost inclined to give you two bonus points just for your character sheets, but I'm given to understand that's against the rules.

Now then, on to the actual plot itself: It's pretty straightforward, but that's hardly a point against it. No twists or too much conflict, just two girls meet and bond over their shared interests. Classic slice-of-life stuff. The pink punk was a fun little vignette, and I gave Vio their proactivity bonus for introducing him. I also gave Vio a Development bonus for Faraday learning to not be so afraid of bounty hunters and for learning a few tips for her machine going forward; great stuff!

Kami, I was a little disappointed by the lack of "stuff" for Veera's end. I wanted to give you a bonus too, for the woman crying out about the dead body, but given that that didn't really... go anywhere, it felt a little disingenuous to do so. As a result of the lack of conflict, she also didn't develop much; Veera seems pretty much the same at the start of the thread as she is at the end. She's gonna need a lot more plot before she reaches meaningful growth.

That being said, great job, both of you! I'm really happy that I got to grade yours as my first thread, and I look forward to many more graded threads in the future!