Monkey Biz submit

[The Shimmering Banana]

Plot Title/Link: Monkey Business: Bounty Hunters guild/ strawhatforum.proboards.com/thread/22008/monkey-business-bounty-hunters-guild
Marine Mission Rank/Number: N/A
Mission Number: N/A
Total Number of Posts: 106
Plot Summary: Talked to Vio about this since it's already been graded.


Bounty Hunter Guild: B.H.N.
Bounty Hunter Name/Link: Otto Saix/ strawhatforum.proboards.com/thread/21370/otto-saix-updated
Bounty Being Collected: N/A
Number of Posts: 19
EXP: 285/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 25%

[Vio]

^{I'll have this one sorted for you by the end of the week! Stay tuned!}

[Vio]

As promised, here is your grading for the Monkey Business you got up to!

The Shimmering Banana as Otto Saix!

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Personally, I think you did a good job of painting pictures with words, especially when it came to being in the thick of things. Brief but certain descriptions of scenery leave a lot up to the imagination without forcing the reader to rely upon it. Generally, I think you did pretty good with character interactions, too!

Now, I have to say, one of the biggest let downs for me in this thread was tensing issues. Though you kept it up for quite some time and certainly did a good job of keeping the flow where necessary, there are moments throughout the thread in which your choice of tense changes. In particular, you seem to dance around with future tense (the would's) and the present tense (he is) within your narrative, which lends your past tense usage a bit of messiness that it doesn't need. I definitely think making certain you use the past tense would be a boon to your writing (both for you and your thread partners). Other than that, it's mostly minor spelling and grammatical errors; nothing that made a dent to an otherwise fine written performance while you were with it!


285 + 171 (19 x 9) = 437 Experience and 19 Poinz!

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