Mission 44: Providing a Service (Zeke et. al.)

[thelawfulneutral]

He said it was providing a service to thousands if not millions of men throughout the world, he said that it was a bustling trade that had been declining over the years from lackluster products, he said that only the bravest of traders could possibly pull it off. Plus he had been willing to provide transport and a cash incentive. Who he was though was still an absolute mystery to Ezekiel Ben-Nesher, the self proclaimed Sea Merchant. The fellow had communicated entirely via news coo and intermediary agents, though Zeke could thoroughly understand a fellow's wishes to be somewhat secretive of their identity, especially given what the fellow did for a living. Zeke might have been a master of speaking in circles, but he still called it when he saw it. His employer was a pornographer, plain and simple. He might say his prestigious Gentleman's Magazine was primarily popular due to its high quality articles and that the images of scantily clad (or wholly nude) women were merely an addition, but Zeke was not born yesterday! That said, it was a service, and Zeke was a man who provided services. Plus, the whole "bravest of traders" thing shot straight to the insane merchant's heart, demanding that he must accomplish this mission for the sake of his pride of nothing else. Plus it gave him an idea...There was a whole untapped market out there of women who would enjoy "high quality articles" and pictures of handsome men, no? That would have to wait for later.

For now the important task at hand was to be prepared for what he would face!

While still out to sea, Zany Zeke performed his most stunning transformation yet. A little bit of squid ink and grease made fine mascara, some beeswax and cherry juice made deep luscious red lipstick, hair shaven from the back of Qinyir the Camel (given a thorough wash and brushing of course) made a perfectly beautiful sandy-blond wig. "Ah! Has there been every before a more handsome creature! And yes," the crossdressed merchant paused, staring into the mirror with an appraiser's eye, "This one is missing something....Ah! Of course, how silly of Zeke!"  

The mad merchant had demanded to be allowed to bring along his merchandise on this trip (after all, making a little side profit was worth while right?) and luckily his inventory happened to include a rather bountiful amount of fresh fruit! Hmmm....Kiwis were too small, Zeke was after all not a child. The watermelons were too large, too firm, they'd think he had some augmentation and Zeke was always more of a naturals kind of man. The cantaloupes were nice and ripe, but Zeke had to admit that he was getting on in years and such would not be convincing enough. Ah! Ah yes! Perfect! The deliciously sweet muskmelon known as the Crenshaw! Its smoothly ovoid shape ending in large nipp....er stem! Fitting for a "wo"man of his age. Thus donning the correct supporting clothing (seriously bras are a good business, women will pay a premium for comfortable support) Zeke deemed his disguise complete. And just in time too as Amazon Lilly came into view on the horizon. 

It might not have been his ship, but that didn't mean Zeke's approach method was going to change...much. With his rainbow robes filled with fruit and his red kaffiyah blowing in the wind, Zeke sat upon the bowsprit and began his love song, a love song amplified by tens of degrees by a screaming Den Den Mushi.

"WELCOME WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO ZANY ZEKINA'S BARMY BAZAAR! YES! THIS ONE'S PRICES ARE SO INSANE THAT SHE IS PARTICULARLY GIVING HER WARES AWAY! HIGH QUALITY GOODS FOR MORE THAN HONEST PRICES! MAKE-UP OF FINE MAKE FROM THE NORTH BLUE! LUSCIOUS FRUIT FROM THE SOUTH! WEAPONS CRAFTED BY GRAND LINE ARTISANS! AND OH THE LINGERIE! THIS ONE SPEAKS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN SUCH SUPPORT! YES! COME ONE COME ALL TO ZANY ZEKINA'S BARMY BAZAAR COMING TO A PORT NEAR YOU!"

[☆彡 Youniverse]

"C-calm down Noland. This is an easy job. You're a good photographer so you should be able to complete this easily."

The cloaked photographer would begin to reassure himself as he walked along the island's many path ways. He was beginning to regret taking up this job since not only was it a bit.. "lewd", it also put his life on the line. The people here were apparently hostile towards men despite their kind and attractive appearances so if Noland's identity were to somehow get found out then he's as good as dead. The only reason he agreed to preform this job was in order to fill his pockets with a bit of cash since Noland has been running low on beli these past few days. Anyways, Noland has been walking around the island for quite some time now however he has yet to enter the island's center due to his fear of being found out. As he continued to walk, a voice could be heard in the distance. It made the young man jump and stumble backwards. 

"N-No way! It can't be...some of those Kujas are already here!?" he'd think to himself as the voice continued to speak. Judging from the way it sounded, the voice was being amplified using some sort of mechanism. The voice also sounded quite close to Noland's current location.

"WELCOME WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO ZANY ZEKINA'S BARMY BAZAAR! YES! THIS ONE'S PRICES ARE SO INSANE THAT SHE IS PARTICULARLY GIVING HER WARES AWAY! HIGH QUALITY GOODS FOR MORE THAN HONEST PRICES! MAKE-UP OF FINE MAKE FROM THE NORTH BLUE! LUSCIOUS FRUIT FROM THE SOUTH! WEAPONS CRAFTED BY GRAND LINE ARTISANS! AND OH THE LINGERIE! THIS ONE SPEAKS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN SUCH SUPPORT! YES! COME ONE COME ALL TO ZANY ZEKINA'S BARMY BAZAAR COMING TO A PORT NEAR YOU!"


The voice addressed herself as "Zekina." It didn't take Sherlock to figure out that name was a feminine one. Damn, so Noland had no choice but to get this job started right here.. right now! The faster he got it done, the faster he would get paid. He took deep breaths and cleared his mind of any negative thoughts. This was it. Show time! Noland made his way towards the voice's location, his limbs moving as if they were some sort of rusty metal. The more steps he took; the faster he became. He eventually broke into a sprint and was now dashing towards the voice with tears in his eyes. Where ever his dad was right now, he hoped that he was watching over him during these moments of hardship.

"You got this Noland! You got this!" 

Moments later, Noland would find himself at the island's docks. Looking over at a ship which was about to dock. What was a Kuja doing outside the island? Whatever. That didn't matter right now. He'd have to somehow take a sly picture of the kuja then it was done. Then he could return home and get paid. 

It was indeed easier said than done.

Once the ship arrived, Noland would pretend to ask for some watermelons but in reailty.. he would be taking a picture of the Kuja's watermel- Yeah that was really bad, Im so sorry.