My Grand Adventure Thread

[viruswithshoes]

Plot Title/Link: It's Time For My Grand Adventure
Mission Number: N/A
Total Number of Posts: 51
Plot Summary:

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Character Name/Link: Dagon Basqiat
Number of Posts: 21
Experience: 205/500
Poinz Reward %: 0
Feedback: No

Character Name/Link: Cain Vorarl
Number of Posts: 21
Experience: 0/150
Poinz Reward %: 75
Feedback: Yes

[Flame]

I'll pick up this one, might take a little longer, but I'll probably get to it after Christmas.

[Flame]

This first section refers to things I took into account that affected both of your scores. It is a reflection of the thread itself, its plot and your ability to work together. And I'll start by saying, I was ... unimpressed by this thread. The plot was average even perhaps underdeveloped it seems to me.

This thread was convoluted, for a few reasons I think. One is Morgan, his posts made very little sense in the context of the thread as a whole. Especially with his crazy belief that you all were on Karate Island. I did not particularly fault you two for this, it was just something I noted, and is worth keeping in mind, you all should be writing the thread together, not doing your own thing only vaguely connected to each other's actions.

That being said the two of you, while better were still a bit contradictory. There were multiple parts where what was being said in one posts did not seem to line up with what was happening in the next few. It is fine to be random in a plot, but events and other such statements of what is going on should be enforced otherwise changing details only causes the thread to make less sense. In particular I can pick out two such details, the prisoners were first described as in handcuffs and then you all were doing things rather freely with your hands. And the prison and its wardens were described as being connected with both the marines and the revos which also made little sense.

Lastly you two felt a bit disconnected in terms of your posting. I could hardly follow what was happening from post to post. In simpler terms it lacked a certain level of cohesiveness on either of your parts.

-------->Individual Ratings!

Dagon Basqiat (viruswithshoes) -- 3/5

Cain Vorarl (Long John) -- 2/5

SPOILER: Click to show

Overall in terms of writing quality I thought your writing was fine. Technically, it was mostly solid. There were some mistakes scattered through the thread, but it was sparse enough that it wasn't a big problem. So overall it seemed technically your writing has a solid foundation. If I was to note anything that was a problem, in terms of grammar or the like, you have a tendency to write long sentences at times. To the point that they are run-on at times. Perhaps its the influence of virus (he's quite excessive with it).

In terms of your ability to characterize Cain, I think I got a good idea of what hes like which is good. In terms of how you write, I think you should try to ... how to say paint a picture more. It makes for more interesting posts, it often felt like you were just saying what was happening. You want to show what is happening, it makes for more immersive writing overall. It tends to be what separates solid writers from the good writers on this forum.

Lastly you were overplaying your character's ability. For a 13 year old half fishman, at 0 exp E class Cain was doing a bit more than he should be capable of. This feeling I got fairly early on and for now I'm just going to give you a warning. Be mindful of how strong your character should be. This was especially apparent early on in the thread.

Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

---->viruswithshoes: 373/500
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 205
Base EXP Earned: 21 * 5 = 105
Bonus EXP Earned: 21 * 3 = 63
New EXP Total: 205 + 105 + 63 = 373/500

---->Long John: 116/150
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 0
Base EXP Earned: 21 * 5 = 105
Bonus EXP Earned: 21 * 2 = 42 = 11 + 31 Poinz
New EXP Total: 0 + 105 + 11 = 116 Exp + 31 Poinz

Please update your profiles!

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