Hush, Little Baby, Don't You Cry [Cuz We Subbed You <3]

[Deleted]

Plot Title/Link: Hush, Little Baby, Don't You Cry ~ Act I
Total Number of Posts: 44
Plot Summary:

• The story's main characters, Monty, Stacy, Veera & Taylor meet.
• Veera finds out a particular pirate crew has malicious intent, which was later confirmed by her "uncle" - who revealed the same boars the pirates brought to the Ciudadela Queendom were attacking farmlands riddled with a weed that was not indigenous to the island.
• Mac and the girls prepare a meal and become better acquainted with each other before beginning to plot how they are going to go about stopping Riley's crew and getting some money out of it!

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The Cast!

Character Name/Link: Airhart Stacy Volo
Played By: The Prettiest Squish
Number of Posts: 2
Experience: 150* (Stacy is an NPC currently Class locked at D-class, but was created before the update to the Class System.)
Poinz Reward %: It was an NPC job for plot, so 5 Poinz per post.
Feedback: No

Character Name/Link: Shakarri Montbretia
Played By: Vio
Number of Posts: 14
Experience: 10/150
Poinz Reward %: 0
Feedback: Yes

Character Name/Link: Falcone Veera
Played By: Kami-Gaz
Number of Posts: 11
Experience: 150/500
Poinz Reward %: 0
Feedback: No

Character Name/Link: Queen Leti Taylor
Played By: EJ
Number of Posts: 14
Experience: 0/150
Poinz Reward %: 0
Feedback: Yes

[Shinku]

I shall be grading this.

Due to the Christmas season, this might take a little longer, but I try to be as fast as I can.

[Flame]

In an effort to be more efficient with the distribution of graders, I'll be taking this over from Shinku ^^. I'll try to get this done as soon as I can, sorry for the wait.

[Flame]

I apologize for the delay, I've been battling a cold for the last few weeks so I've been going to sleep earlier thus getting less done in terms of grading because of it. Its still not really an excuse for taking this long but, between that and my strange insistence of trying to finish my log before I did more grading it ended up taking a while.

Luckily for you I decided I was taking too long with the log ;)

The Prettiest Squish earned 10 Poinz

Overall the thread was pretty good I thought. It started quite confusing, but it cleaned up very well over the course of the thread. Seems acceptable given how much change in the 'actors' there was in the first few rounds of posting. In terms of pacing given the almost complete lack of things happening I thought it was pretty good. The action pulled me through the thread for the most part. And for the most part the posts flowed fairly well into each other.

I will say for a good part of the thread Stacey was a little over-rped I think. I didn't really judge the thread on this, I just felt like her role was a little overdone I can't really explain it.

-------->Individual Ratings!

Shakarri Monbretia (Vio) -- 5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

I don't have much to say here to be honest Vio. Your writing was solid for the most part. Grammatically sound and well painting an easy to see picture of what was going on. In other words I like the level of description you gave and the way that you gave it. The characterization of Monty was also very good. It was easy to understand her train of thought which led her towards each decision she made.

Also just a comment I'm not sure about your use of the word dryad, I don't know if theres a definition that I'm not thinking of, but I'm not completely sure you used it right :).

Falcone Veera (Kami-Gaz) -- 4/5

Queen L. Taylor (EJ) -- 4/5

SPOILER: Click to show

Writing-wise I thought you did pretty well. It definitely improved over the course of the thread. At first it was a little insane and over the top I think, but I think for the most part it matured into very solid writing. In terms of grammar and spelling I have nothing worth bringing up. In terms of descriptiveness, as I said it started a little much but calmed and became much better and easier to understand. I think you might need to work a little on how you rp multiple characters at once, it can be quite confusing at times.

Personally I didn't enjoy Tay's personality very much, just not a fan of the character type but I thought the character was well portrayed. I liked the added effect of the ... bumpkin-speak (though it was annoying to try and parse for myself at times). It really made the character and gave her an audible voice.

I have two other comments. It wasn't too common but I did notice you have a tendency to slide into 2nd person every now and then. Chiefly notable because you speak directly to the reader at times, we're a third person only forum, which means the use of 'you' when not in thoughts or speaking is not allowed.

The other comment didn't affect my opinion of your grade at all but, I think you should consider fully coloring conversation, rather than just changing the color of the quotes. It's a little confusing to read.

Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

---->Vio: 150/500 EXP Welcome to D Class
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 10
Base EXP Earned: 14 * 5 = 70
Bonus EXP Earned: 14 * 5 = 70
New EXP Total: 10 + 70 + 70 = 150

---->Kami-Gaz: 249/500 EXP
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 150
Base EXP Earned: 11 * 5 = 55
Bonus EXP Earned: 11 * 4 = 44
New EXP Total: 150 + 55 + 44 = 249

---->EJ: 126/150 EXP
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 0
Base EXP Earned: 14 * 5 = 70
Bonus EXP Earned: 14 * 4 = 56
New EXP Total: 70 + 56 = 126

Please update your profiles!

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Payment Notice: It's possible your actions in this thread warrant a payout! If you wish to seek beri for your character, you can apply for a payout here.

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EDIT: Veera had 177 exp not 150 so her final exp is 276/500 Kami-Gaz