Chaos on Crescent, Act I (Submission)

[Vio]

Plot Title: Chaos on Crescent, Act I - From Coast to Ghost!?
Total Number of Posts: 69
Plot Summary: Arriving at the Crescent Moon Republic, their first island visited since entering the Grand Line, Pluto, Scarlette and Rebecca dock at the island's Waterway City. At first, their intent is nothing more than learning how long it will take before they can move to the next island - as well as getting something to eat - and they soon find themselves at the Watermill Café.

While enjoying their lunch (sort of), the group is interrupted by a very prodigious but childish man looking for a slice of the establishment's signature coffee cake. However, having had the last piece of said dessert, Scarlette ends up the focal point for the fellow's short strop before he departs, making mention of someone named Octavier. With her stomach sated, Scarlette soon departs and pursues the heavy fellow - whose name is revealed to be Tweiss - in the hopes of sating her desire to kill, but instead ends up encountering something altogether more mysterious. Disturbed by the unusual sight of a ghostly boy, a series of unusual events and flashes of memory bring Scarlette practically to her knees, whilst Pluto seems far more concerned about the presence of such things as ghosts.

Shortly thereafter, the trio encounter Tweiss again, who offers a short apology and ends up escorting the group to Crescent Moon's Capital City, where he takes them to meet the illustrious Octavier. The gentleman, revered as something of a saint by the people in the wake of the island's civil war, directs Pluto and Scarlette - who both reveal to him their desire to become stronger - to the upcoming Battle Royale. However, sinister things are happening in Crescent's shadows, and a mix of murderous intent and curiosity eventually drives Scarlette (and Pluto in her wake) into the heart of a trap...

(Note! This is a two-parter, so it ends on a cliffhanger!)


Character Name: Scarlette Grimm-Rosa
Number of Posts: 35
Experience: 777
Poinz Percentage: 0

Character Name: Pluto
Number of Posts: 34
Experience: 2106
Poinz Percentage: 0

[viruswithshoes]

*Plants flag* I claim this thread for the people of Virusylvania.

Given the length of this thread it may take me a while but I will try to get it done with something resembling speed.

[viruswithshoes]

-------->Individual Ratings!

Scarlette Grim-Rosa (Vio) -- 5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}The Good:

[/b]: Lush, wonderful description which really painted a picture of the island the story took place. Your words gave an almost tangible quality while I was reading.

Pro 2: Scarlette's emotional ups and down kept me interested. At times I was hoping she'd get an opportunity to wax philosophical about death. It was one of the few times reading something I wished a character had a soliloqy.

Pro 3: You'll have to share this with BK, but this was a wonderful example of role-playing as a team. You seemed in sync which is much more difficult than it sounds. Quite the dynamic duo like Batman and Robin.

Pro 4 The exposition stated by Percival the businessman was done well. He seemed like the kind of know-it-all type who would blather on about this or that in order to show off. Like a guy at a party who has an opinion of everything won't leave you alone.[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: Some misspellings

Con 2: The occasional shift from past to present and future tenses

Con 3: Nit-picking as it is, I thought the description "Chocolate hues" was little overused.[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]


Pluto (Blackitten) -- 5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}The Good:

[/b]: Stoic and strong characters are difficult to write and you managed to do so while still making Pluto compelling. Although, it's easy for such a flamboyant character like Scarlette overshadow a thread Pluto was a pleasant consistency. A very much needed straight man to observe the insanity of the Grand Line.

Pro 2: Rebecca was a character I wasn't completely sold on, but you did it. I'm not much for cute kid characters but she added something special to the mix that neither Pluto or Scarlette could.

Pro 3: The fights were excellently written and made me wonder about the other contestants. Pluto's fight with his former rival was a blast and I loved the mermaid. [/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: Same as Vio, just minor technical stuff like the rare mispelling and use or present and future tenses.

Con 2: At times the exposition was awkward, but necessary to move the story along.

Con 3: I'm being pedantic enough, I can't think of another thing.

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/ul][/spoiler]


Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

---->Vio: 1,127
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}EXP at Time of Submission: 777
Base EXP Earned: 35 * 5 = 175
Bonus EXP Earned: 35 * 5 = 175
New EXP Total: 777 + 175 + 175 = 1127/1500

---->Blackitten:2446
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}EXP at Time of Submission: 2106
Base EXP Earned: 34 * 5 = 170
Bonus EXP Earned: 34 * 5 = 170
New EXP Total: 2106/3000 + 170 + 170 = 2446/3000

Please update your profiles!

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