Practise What You Preach! [Submission/Incomplete]

[Vio]

Plot Title: Practise What You Preach!
Total Number of Posts: 16
Plot Summary:

SPOILER: Click to show

The Frost Kingdom, which is surprisingly bereft of frost, finds itself the centre of a tale in which a group of bounty hunters are in search of a man by the name of Nikolai Oleson. Oleson, a wanted man known as the 'the Priest' was last sighting in the general vicinity of the island, it is with that knowledge in hand that the four hunters gather, all seeking the same prize. Bai Meifeng, though somewhat distracted by the large population of cats, finds herself attempting to make sense of the mindset of her first target. But her inexperience only means that help is a necessity.

Oblivious to the potential of competition, and the devious plan that their quarry is concocting in the shadows of the island, Meifeng encounters the likes of Erasmus Justice and Aryana Demont. Meanwhile, the likes of Victoria Thatcher - who also seeks the same head - arrives on the island in pursuit of Oleson...


Unfortunately, due to Kriyze vanishing due to real life issues, delays and such, we've decided to cut this thread short. I'm not sure Kryize will return any time soon, so I'll leave his stuff out.

Vio
Bounty Hunter Name: Bai Meifeng
Number of Posts: 5
EXP: 0 / 100
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

White Mimic
Bounty Hunter Name: Victoria Thatcher
Number of Posts: 3
EXP: 190 / 500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

|The SHAKINATOR|
Bounty Hunter Name: Aryana Demont (can't find the updated profile)
Number of Posts: 4
EXP: 125 / 500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

[Flame]

*boop boop hi*

[Flame]

-------->Individual Ratings!

Bai Meifeng (Vio) -- 4.5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: While reading your writing I think it made me want to read more which is always a good thing (especially as a grader). Provoked questions I wanted answers to, etc. 

Grammar + Stuffz like it: I think in general with few exceptions you did a solid job in keeping your writing clean of mistakes. While I did notice one or two overall it was not enough to warrant anything.[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: This is a problem I noticed in the first half of your posts more than the second. I'm also pretty sure its been a problem pointed out before for you so I won't go into it in too much detail. But at times you tend to write sentences that seem to go on for much longer than necessary. Such that they'd easily be split into two sentences or sometimes more. [/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Victoria Thatcher (WhiteMimic) -- 4/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: Really no issues or flaws through and through with your writing, grammar, sentence structure everything was solid with minimal to no errors. [/ul]
The Bad:

[/b]: I noticed this sometimes, but I felt like you did not always choose the best word for the situation. This isn't really something I docked you for, its just something I noticed because it made some of the sentences read a little more awkwardly and I had to go back and try and figure out what you meant at times. 

Bland: I'm not sure how to say this but the first few posts were a little bland. Didn't really pull my interest, its not something I can tell you how to improve is the issue. But i'm just going to leave that statement there. [/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Aryana Demont (Shaki) -- 3.5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]Overall I thought your writing as it existed was fine, little to no grammar or structural errors. [/ul]
The Bad:

[/b]: Your posts were short, period. Apart from 1 most of your posts were kind of dwarfed. Flushing out posts can make them more interesting give them more depth make them more immersive. And thus the second post. 

Be More Descriptive: Probably directly attributing to your short posts, your writing sort of lacked description. One really just heard what Aryana heard. You don't get a really solid idea of her thoughts her environment. You should try to be more immersive add more description it makes the writing more interesting and sets a better scene overall.  [/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]


Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

---->Vio: 48/100 EXP
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 0
Base EXP Earned: 5 * 5 = 25
Bonus EXP Earned: 5 * 4.5 = 23
New EXP Total: 0 + 25 + 23 = 48

---->WhiteMimic: 217/500 EXP
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 190
Base EXP Earned: 3 * 5 = 15
Bonus EXP Earned: 3 * 4 = 12
New EXP Total: 190 + 15 + 12 = 217

---->Shaki: 159/500 EXP
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 125
Base EXP Earned: 4 * 5 = 20
Bonus EXP Earned: 4 * 3.5 = 14
New EXP Total: 125 + 20 + 14 = 159

Please update your profiles!

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