The Showdown of Blood [Pluto/Scarlette]

[BlacKitten]

Plot Title/Link: The Showdown of Blood
Marine Mission Rank/Number: N/A
Mission Number: N/A
Total Number of Posts: 58
Plot Summary:

SPOILER: Click to show

On a morning at Serine City of Amino Island, Pluto woke up from the rented room of a hotel, stepping out for a walk. Meanwhile, Scarlette, a scythe-wielding girl, went on a killing spree, taking the lives of civilians. Eventually, she aimed her weapon at Pluto who evaded the blow. The two of them fought, trying to comprehend the mentality of the other. The conflict ended with Rebecca, the younger sister of the boy, who intervened. With her appearance resembling Anna, the deceased sister of Scarlette, she send the paramecia-user into a mental breakdown.

Reluctantly, Pluto let his sister have it her way and bring the murderer to their room, discussing over some tea. His guest soon went to sleep on the bed.

As the sunrise approaches, the Dieu-le-Veut Pirates plotted to arouse chaos throughout the city before their depart from the island. Setting several buildings aflame, they created a panic among the people as they went to slaughter and massacre as many people in sight.

In caution of the spreading flames that would engulf the hotel room, Pluto, Rebecca, and Scarlette headed outside. They encountered some of the lowly-ranked pirates and fended for themselves. Eventually, the first mate, Marianne, stepped in to attack. Later, the captain, Laurens, went in for the action as well.

Pluto forced his sister to run away to safety as he holds off the captain, and in the meantime, Scarlette dealt with Marianne.

After a brutal and blood conflict, each side suffered wounds and injuries, but the pirates were defeated.

Scarlette was unconscious, and later she awoken in a bar with her wounds treated by Rebecca. Pluto, after turning in the pirate for a suitcase of beri, returned. As the sister fell asleep, the remaining two had a nice, long conversation. The two of them agreed to form an alliance.

Bounty Hunter Guild: N/A
Bounty Hunter Name/Link: Pluto
Bounty Being Collected: Laurens
Number of Posts: 29
EXP: 844/1500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%, all exp!

Bounty Hunter Guild: N/A
Bounty Hunter Name/Link: Scarlette
Bounty Being Collected: Marianne
Number of Posts: 29
EXP: 100/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%, all exp!

[Roin]

Claimed.

>_>

[Roin]

The TLDR
It took a bit, but I finally went through this. Overall, it's a pretty stellar thread that has fighting but clearly focused on development (well... kinda) in the long run. I wish you'd have made the summary with the same writing you did through the thread Kiwi > also, I apologize for doing you guys in reverse of the order you posted the grading. Kinda did it without noticing @_@

-------->Individual Ratings!

Scarlette Grimm-Rosa (Vio) -- 5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: When I started on your first post, I kinda pegged this to be one of the threads where you'd shine on this. And while I'm not a fan of gory writing (so I kinda screwed up the instant I picked someone with a Blood DF), I can't say that you didn't deliver the full-package in this thread. *high fives*

Combat+2: I threw in an addition to reference D&D... that's how that works right? But seriously, this is a pretty impressive use of weaponplay through most of the thread, but it shines during combat along with her entire kit. Overall, I was enjoying the fight scenes almost as much as the "srs" development.

The "Srs" Development: Despite the name and quotations, I actually mean it. I'm a big fan of characters blooming in more than just fighting so when I get to see Scarlette hit the wall, shatter, and kinda be repaired toward the end? Horrible comparison, but still awesome. I applaud the entire thread and my "Awesome" bit is all I gotta supply to explain my joy at seeing Scarlette open up. You know... for a civilian killer :X[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: Who says you can't give a 5 and still make a point? Overall, you really killed it this thread, enough so that my gut decided to give you one of these big numbers. I spent a while trying to think up the proper wording for it (I might still be wrong), but it was like... I felt like there were sections that looked more like you forced the post? Don't get me wrong, the quality is nearly consistent through the entire thread, but I just felt that it could have been so much better if you hadn't tried to match Kiwi pace-for-pace. I know you had muse for this out the wazoo, but I just figured I'd give my two cents. I didn't deduct for this because, quite obviously, this isn't something that changed nearly enough, so if need be, go ahead and ignore it. o/[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Pluto (Kiwi) -- 4/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: As per usual, you delivered pretty solid combat. I'm not surprised by it, as that seems to make up a majority of the work I've seen from you, but it's certainly not a bad thing to be known for having strong combat writing. Good work.

Dialogue: If I remember correctly, one of my previous statements had been that the dialogue for Pluto was slightly lacking. I can safely say you redeemed yourself in this thread. Not only is Pluto vocal, but he's doing so in levels that point toward some sort of event having occurred. Part of me wonders if I missed one of your threads where this change happened, but I'm glad to see the character at last doing more than just purely acting. Even robots without free thoughts and the moodiest of moody anime cliches talked more... but now Pluto has joined the ranks of everyone else!

Proper Target: This is more an opinion than fact, but I think the fact that Pluto fought someone of strong capabilities and actually played to his strength well. I've personally seen/heard that you picked enemies off too fast before... but this fight was of proper length and was the kind of fight I'd expect from a One Piece RP. Perhaps it was the fact that Pluto was fighting someone more ruthless than him, perhaps it was the fact that the guy did considerable damage... but whatever it was, your writing's highlight was finding Pluto a proper match and staying within the expectations I had.[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: This is the biggest thing I noticed... specifically because I've graded you so many times so I kinda check for it at this point. Aside from a storm of "he" that can be reasoned off as "style", there are times where you refer to Laurens as "pirate captain" heavily, despite having a few words for 'em mixed heavily only a paragraph later. But, as a note, my main issue comes with just the sheer amount of "he" and "his" that I spot at times in a single sentence. Style or not, this just makes the great writing you have stumble whenever it rears its ugly head.

There's also times of redundancy, such as "By moving his wings at high speeds, he can move at incredible speeds". That's the best instance right off the top of my head, but it's kinda one of those times where it could have been made as simple as "Moving his wings faster, Pluto took off." I might be making a poor example, but I just feel like these were times where a second look could have replaced them with better wordings or passages to make the writing more unique. These two problems were just rather breaking for the most part while reading through this.

Very Combat Heavy: While I spotted bits of development... I feel like this was kinda a thread that focused so much on Scarlette that it feels like Pluto was just kinda there? It doesn't change the quality of writing, which is why you're getting a high score, but... I felt like this was a thread that you shined only in the actions of Pluto, rather than across the entire character. I've never considered a thread where only one aspect of a character shines out to be a good thing... and while that's an opinion, I can say that for a thread of such length and changes to Scarlette, I sincerely believe that Pluto should have changed considerably more than he had by the end of this thread.[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

---->Scarlette: 390/500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 100/500
Base EXP Earned: 29 * 5 = 145
Bonus EXP Earned: 29 * 5 = 145
New EXP Total: 100 + 145 + 145 = 390

---->Pluto: 1105/1500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 844/1500
Base EXP Earned: 29 * 5 = 145
Bonus EXP Earned: 29 * 4 = 116
New EXP Total: 844 + 145 + 116 = 1105

Please update your profiles!

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