On the Shiny Seas [SUB]

[Blushing z0ro]

Plot Title/Link: On the Shiny Seas
Marine Mission Rank/Number: none
Mission Number: none
Total Number of Posts: 28
Plot Summary: After two weeks in a coma following the battle of Nuovo Romano, Leonard finally woke in the infirmary of the Shining Pirates new ship. The whole crew now reunited went into the ship's kitchen to share a meal together where two events took place. First as the captain explained the goal of the crew and his own personal one Hikaru and Hiroto officially joined the Shining Pirates. As the meal was about to begin Hikaru suddenly turned into an ant due to having eaten a Devil Fruit earlier but was unaware of that fact until now. Once that was resolved and Hikaru became human again the second big news came, bounties. After their stunts in Nuovo Romano the Shining Pirates were officially wanted criminals, hunted by the Marines and bounty hunters. As any self respecting pirates would they celebrated which led to some drunk shenanigans, flag painting, premonitions and more drunken nonsense. Now the Shining Pirates move on to next adventure, which will be their last on the calm waters of the North Blue, for soon they will head to where their destiny awaits then, the Grand Line!

Pirate Crew: Shining Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Leonard LeClerc
Current Bounty: 35,000,000
Number of Posts: 6
EXP: 365/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

Pirate Crew: Shining Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Kusatta Kotei
Current Bounty: 15,000,000
Number of Posts: 6
EXP: 308/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 25%

Pirate Crew: Shining Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Brandon Penguin
Current Bounty: 5
Number of Posts: 6
EXP: 136
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 25%

Pirate Crew: Shining Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Hiroto Shiaru
Current Bounty: 0
Number of Posts: 6
EXP: 135
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

Pirate Crew: Shining Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Hikaru Shin
Current Bounty: 12,000,000
Number of Posts: 4
EXP: 165/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

Note: Hikaru disappeared halfway through.

[Roin]

[Roin]

The TLDR
Was a good little read... I wish some of you would mix it up with other colors though (3 of ya use bold in your post, but other people change it to a different color... I'd rather you just post IN those colors to start with @_@), but otherwise the thread was between an average and a good thread for sure. Short, but got the job done without feeling too terribly rushed.

-------->Individual Ratings!

Leonard (z0pu) -- 3.5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: While I felt that section was kinda forcing people along to sing it (not every crew will sing the song, even if it's well-known. I'm sure there would be other tunes the world knows well enough, even if they aren't sang), I was a fan of seeing it used. It's not a big shocker (considering my spouting of skull jokes) that I love the song due to Brook's fabulous bones. Really did a good deal for making yer thread have a not-so-tense feel.

The Floaties Comment: Considering he'll get a fruit very soon, I imagine this was a bit of foreshadowing that his karma is gonna bite him later for the joke. All the same, mockery/joking is a good source of "character color". Nicely done.

Consistency: What kept you solid even with the few deductions was a pretty solid level to the posting. You didn't have any crazy awesome moments, but you certainly didn't have any bad ones. A consistently stable RPer is always going to improve over time.[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: While I'm aware of most of it being harmless stuff... I don't know how much of the moments where you "auto-hit"/"auto-grabbed" people was planned or okay'd due to a lack of OOC notification. I'm not going to deduct for it... but I feel it might be worthwhile to state that if you're going to be just grabbing hold of players to make the grader aware it's OK'd by the party getting grabbed. Not everyone knows about PMs or the discussions during the thread's creation.

Name/Word Degradation: My normal kill-zone isn't something you strayed into too heavily, but I figured I'd bring it up due to how I read some of the writing. While you might steer clear of addressing characters directly and favor describing the actions, the few times that you're addressing your character or others, you use three things. Their name, the "he" and "she" stuff, and a single alternate name. Like I said, this was barely noticeable except for one or two sections where it tended to run on. It's only bad if it causes me to re-read to understand... and like I mentioned you barely did it. Just keep an eye out for this when making your posts and you'll improve just that little bit.

Funky Sentences: Maybe it was the lack of formatting, but there's a section where you use a lot of semi-colons and colons. They're used properly, but... it literally stopped me due to the sheer amount of them in close proximity. Not going to deduct for it, but maybe considering using some formatting next time or rewrite sentences to steer clear of them. It caused me an issue for a good minute @_@[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Kusatta (Blab) -- 3/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: So, while I did find his ability to understand the tech rather quickly, I will admit these sections were interesting enough. I'd actually not known anything about Kusatta coming into this save from the weird talk of him learning to read... now, however, I can see that a LOT of things are new to him. Really got a good look at the character.

Consistency: For sure a big saving grace for you was the fact that you didn't seem to have dips or anything in your writing. It seemed like a steady flow of muse and writing through the whole thing and that kept the quality up. Good work.[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: While I know you're not a native English speaker, I'm going to indicate this as what I picked up on. It's small things that you got the right words (most of the time, maybe all the time, kinda lost track if there were purely wrong words/wording), but you didn't have the right tense. The other side, of course, is that your sentences sometimes ran a bit long or didn't have proper punctuation. The first one that really stood out while going over your posts was...

"Accordingly, the young man spend his time training to use his new weapon with one hand below deck and spend most of his time alone there."

Best way to fix this sort of sentence AND the tense...

"Accordingly, the young man spent his time training below deck to use his new weapon with one hand... and most of it was spent alone."

I talked to you a bit over this, but this is also one way to restructure the sentence to be a bit more clear as well. Punctuation and the like are yer friends, Blabby! Best way to ensure these errors don't happen if they're typos is to go back over and read the post... if they aren't typos, then read back over the post!

Typos: Alright, with that first part of the way... I have to make this as its own individual section due to the rate I've spotted these. It's as simple as losing letters, such as "closet" becoming "clost", that is the biggest type. If you're running this through a spell-checker, it should sense these sorts of words. It takes very specific words to have a typo turn it into another (such as "spend" becoming "spent) and most of that fits the previous issue. This is simply me trying to inform you that if you're running these posts through a spell-checker, you need to stop and go back over and read it. It's not a big issue, but it's big enough to fit the bill that you aren't checking over your work. Native speaker or not, it shouldn't be prominent to the point I spot it through the thread if yer using spell-checkers.[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Brandon (Vio) -- 4/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: I recently made a character, but I made 'em able to speak if the situation requires it. Rather than trying to burst him into talking, however, you've kept him true to just a devious little ice-hopper pulling a Meowth! Better to learn it slow than to instantly acquire it! *nodnod*

Not Consistent (In the good way): While having muse consistency is a good thing... I feel like this leaned toward moderate to high amounts of muse, rather than the problematic version with medium to low muse. TLDR: I felt like you only kept trying to push higher quality as the thread went on, like you were burning to the forefront.
[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: By far, this is the smallest instance in the entire thread referring to the issue. I spot very few times that alternate names and pronouns get too repetitive. The only one that seemed to be a bit more prominent was "he" and "him". Probably the best thread so far in terms of avoiding this.

[/ul]
The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Hiroto (Dr. Ambs) -- 3.5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: Yeah, totally getting the worried mom vibe. But in a good way. Sometimes, crews need a killjoy to keep 'em from doing stupid things while injured and the like. I approve of seeing such behavior, since I know it's a role that can be rather taxing if you're not a fan of being the "support" of a thread.
[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: Similar to z0, there are a few instances where you slip up from avoiding a ton of use of the same words. Unlike z0 however, you have a good little mix-up compared to only four or so. Best way to improve it from your current situation might be to take a glance back over a paragraph as you finish it. For the most part, this occurs very few times as I mentioned... but it is something to point out regardless.

No "Pop": The writing was good, there were barely any typos (such as "gentle" was "gently"), and I did enjoy the banter from Hiroto... but I don't know what it was that kept me from giving this something greater. Just really didn't seem to pop as much as it could have? OTL.[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Hikaru (HikaruShin) -- 2.5/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]: Gotta say that Hikaru was the most "okay guys, look" out of the bunch. Someone who was willing to get everyone to kinda... figure out their place. Not even mentioning the fact that Hikaru shrunk while attempting to do so, I can say that this was a strong point he brought to the table... and then quickly threw off it.
[/ul]

The Bad:

[/b]: Quite simply, you avoided using the name and used "he" and "she" to avoid being repetitive... but you ended up being repetitive. Best way to avoid it is to come up with a lot of names for both yerself and others. Really hope this is looked at if/when you come back.

Vanishing: Supposing you come back, I'm going to mark this down as why I deducted you .5 points. Quite simply, ditching out on a thread (even with good reason IRL) isn't cool for all those involved. I had been around and heard plenty of the conversation regarding the disappearance of you and the stalling of the thread to wait on you. If you come back, understand that these guys brought you in hoping you'd stick around and give a good time... not vanish. *nod*
[/ul]

The Awesome:

[/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

---->Leonard LeClerc: 416/500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 365/500
Base EXP Earned: 6 * 5 = 30
Bonus EXP Earned: 6 * 3.5 = 21
New EXP Total: 365 + 30 + 21 = 416

---->Kusatta Kotei: 352/500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 308/500
Base EXP Earned: 6 * 5 = 30
Bonus EXP Earned: 6 * 3 * .75 = 14
New EXP Total: 308 + 30 + 14 = 352

---->Brandon Penguin: 184/500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 136/500
Base EXP Earned: 6 * 5 = 30
Bonus EXP Earned: 6 * 4 * .75 = 18
New EXP Total: 136 + 30 + 18 = 184

---->Hiroto Shiaru: 186/500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 135/500
Base EXP Earned: 6 * 5 = 30
Bonus EXP Earned: 6 * 3.5 = 21
New EXP Total: 135 + 30 + 21 = 186

---->Hikaru Shin: 195/500;
Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 165/500
Base EXP Earned: 4 * 5 = 20
Bonus EXP Earned: 4 * 2.5 = 10
New EXP Total: 165 + 20 + 10 = 195

Please update yer profiles, ya bums!

Edit: Bonus EXP re-done due to the Poinz percentage. Sorry guys![/font]

[Kurosaki]

Hikaru was at 207 due to some other threads submitted so his total exp is 237/500 currently.