Mission # 53: Fishnappers

[Blaka]

Plot Title/Link:  Mission # 53: Fishnappers
Marine Mission Rank/Number: N/A
Mission Number: 53
Total Number of Posts: 22
Plot Summary: One Fishman Island, Kusatta Kotei was hired by some slavetraders, who just escaped after the Hordy incident and hid in the now empty Fishman District, to catch a mermaid and bring her to them, so they could sell her on the Archipelago. He travelled to Fishman Island's beach using a black market Turtle Taxi. At the same time however, Maru the Panda arrived on Fishman Island just in time to notice Kusatta kidnapping a mermaid and the two fought, resulting in Maru getting hold of Kusatta's Turtle Taxi and setting the mermaid free. Kusatta injured the Turtle by throwing a rock at its head, which took that as a signal to go and brought Maru unintentionally to the slavetrader's hideout. After kidnapping two other mermaids and fighting off a couple of brave fishman citizens, Kusatta followed and it came to a showdown in the slavetraders' hideout that resulted in Kusatta killing most of them, one of them ringing for help on a Den Den Mushi and accidentally getting Neptun's army on the line, Maru saving the two mermaids and making the hideout collapse over Kusatta and the surviving two slavetraders. Luckily for them, the three were caught and essentially saved by Neptun's soldiers arriving at the scene just in time. However, Kusatta easily dealt with them and escaped.

Pirate Crew: Shining Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Kusatta "Starving" Kotei
Current Bounty: 0
Number of Posts: 11
EXP: 126/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 100%

Pirate Crew: N/A
Pirate Name/Link: Maru The Panda
Current Bounty: 0
Number of Posts: 11
EXP: 797/1500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

[Deleted]

Overview


I have to say, my primary issue is location, here. Maru popping around Fishman Island might be believable, but Kusatta would have been toasted with the proportional strength difference. For one, you are both Devil Fruit Users fighting in a underwater area. Secondly, this is the mid-point of the Grand Line. The people here are not gonna be pushovers like you portrayed them. In the Blues, this probably would have been less of a big deal. Finally, the whole thing felt very.... rushed, I guess would be the term. Seems like what should have been a very action filled thread was just kinda glossed over.






Pirate Name/Link: Kusatta Kotei
1/5 Bonus.

SPOILER: Click to show

The Upsides



Your post length has increased significantly. This is a good thing. Seriously, Unless you're railroading a plot, longer is better. Good job there.




The Downsides


Hoo boy. This is not fun for me to say, but honestly, this thread was pretty bad. While the posts were alright, and the length was great, the content. Just, wow, no. As I said above, you should probably have been murdered for the crap you pulled. Caribou managed to get away with it, but he's not only a Logia, he was a fairly strong pirate. You're not even D class. Not only is this pretty damn far along the grand line, frankly, Fishmen are a DF user's natural enemies. Not only are they stronger and faster than a normal human, significantly so, they are focused entirely around water. 

  Frankly, on Fishman island, you should have died. Literally all anyone would need to do is drag you into water. E class is, by definition, a trained human. Slightly better than the lowest Marine Mook. While you do have a pretty powerful Devil Fruit, you would be majorly outclassed here. I mentioned you playing Kusatta as a bit overpowered in your initial thread, and this is a whole order of magnitude higher. I mean, you broke off a 1 meter radius chunk of rock with one punch. You then somehow THREW it at someone. On top of that, you somehow managed to move quick enough to slit your employer's throat.

Finally, the whole arrangement with the fishmen. It doesn't make any sense. Even if they were injured, Hody's Fighters were in no way ordinary people. Also, sending a human, and a Devil Fruit User, after mermaids? It's a pretty bad plan. You stick out like a sore thumb, you're somehow not encountering any of the guards that were involved when Caribou tried this, and honestly, Maru himself should have been able to pulverize you.

Pirate Name/Link: Maru the Panda

3/5 bonus.

SPOILER: Click to show

The Upsides


Your posts have gotten easier to understand, and while Maru was quite strong here, he was fighting a newbie pirate, at just E class. I think you played him quite fairly in this case, and I approve. 

The overall plot was fairly simple, but I feel like Maru's personality was actually quite consistent here. He was mostly jolly, happy, etc. Even the plan to stop Kusatta was a fairly simple one, so there was none of the previous flashes of genius Maru that you had been having an issue with before.


The Downsides



You have a problem with redundancy, and some weird/awkward language, that often makes bits of your role-play really hard to read. You say stuff like "Surrounded all around him" or "Frantically brandishing his arms wildly in panic". This just reads really oddly to me, and feels more like flowery language that takes up space more than contributes.

This may just be me, but you seem to slip up on details. Not just stuff like referring to Maru as a panda, but the pirates. Kusatta referred to them as fishmen, but you implied they were human, or at least, that's the strong impression I got. 

Kusatta Kotei:



EXP: 45/100 + 55 Base and 11 Bonus.

Your XP is now 90/100 and  11 Poinz





Maru



EXP: 797/1500 + 55 Base and 33 bonus.

Your XP is now 885/1500 




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