Viper Lee FiSts, Techs, and Traits Requests

[Aromancer]

Character’s Name:– Viper Lee
Profile:- strawhatforum.proboards.com/thread/25534/viper-lee-updated
Devil Fruit:– None
Current X-Poinz:– 943

New Traits: Inhuman Speed and Masterful Precision

Inhuman Speed: Lee has trained to be able to outpace most opponents, in order to chase down any who would try to run from him and get in the first blow in combat. Few human opponents can outrun him.

Masterful Precision: Lee has an amazingly steady hand. This gives him the ability to hit what he's stabbing at with startling accuracy, and disarm his foes with ruthless efficiency. He doesn't need to be as strong as his foes, because he's able to hit their weak points with incredible consistency.

[Suriko]

Approved

[Aromancer]

I would like to improve Viper Lee's Shichishito-Ryu to D Class. I've accumulated 738 XPz, meeting the prerequisite 600 to do so.

Name:–
Shichishito-Ryu
Focus:–
 Disarming & Disabling opponents with swordsmanship
Rank:–
D
New Aspect:– Weapon Break. If Lee gets close enough to wrap one of his sword's prongs around an opponent's weapon, he can break any weapon with durability equal to Steel or lower.

[Flame]

I think you've misunderstood your amount of XPz you are at 438 not 738.

See here

Your total xpz became 438, your starting 300 + 120 from posts and an additional 18 from bonus XPz.

[Aromancer]

Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought I'd GAINED 438 xp! Never mind, thank you for clarifying!

[Aromancer]

Alright! I have now gained the 618 XPz requisite for achieving an upgraded FiSt!

Character’s Name:–
Viper Lee
Profile:–
strawhatforum.proboards.com/thread/25534/viper-lee-updated
Devil Fruit:–
None
Current X-Poinz:– 618

Improved Fighting Style
Name:–
Shichishito-Ryu
Focus:–
 Disarming & Disabling opponents with swordsmanship
Rank:–
D
New Aspect:– Viper's Venom, First Stance. The user adopts a stance that allows blood to flow more freely through their body, allowing them to ignore pain and strike with enough force to break lesser blades. Should the user be disarmed, Viper's Venom ends.

New Technique
Name:–
Boomerang Blade
Fighting Style:–
Shichishito-Ryu
Rank:–
2 (125 XPz, covered in FiSt rebate)
Description:– Lee catches an opponent's incoming attack, using the momentum to turn said attack on his foe.

[Jade]

Alright, so - there's a few problems with "Viper's Venom, First Stance" as an Aspect. As I said in the chat, it's written in a very game-y kind of way, and it seems to do three things in one while being very limited where an Aspect is both more singular and more broadly applicable.

To properly provide a learning experience, I'm going to break this description down and give you my thoughts about which parts work, which don't, and attempt to explain why.

[/i][/quote][/center]
So, first and foremost, this idea of utilizing a certain stance or other minor alteration of your Fighting Style - requiring you to do a certain something to achieve an effect - isn't bad by any means. In fact, it's something I've done myself with a swordswoman character of mine; she switches from a rather loose one-handed grip to a two-handed grip when preparing to deliver techniques that make use of her Power Strikes Aspect.

... allowing them to ignore pain...

Now we start to get into the troublesome parts of the Aspect. By their very nature, an Aspect doesn't truly alter the character utilizing it - something like this would be, perhaps, a Trait, or a technique in and of itself, or, perhaps most likely, just something the character attempts to do in the heat of the moment, shrugging off the pain they're in to continue moving forward via the strength of their willpower.

... strike with enough force to break lesser blades.

This part reads like a good Aspect, however. It sounds like the start of a personalized version of the example "Powerful Attacks" Aspect in the Dojo thread, allowing the character to deliver blows that are capable of doing real damage to sturdier defenses and smash or cut their way through more durable materials. It's a simple concept, but widely applicable - if you were going to salvage any of what you have already done and expand upon it for a proper Aspect, this would be the point I'd recommend focusing in on.

Should the user be disarmed, Viper's Venom ends.

And we're back to another little problem. See, an Aspect isn't a "buffed state" like an Overdrive is, to use game terminology - it's simply something you apply to a technique in order to create, at least in theory, more powerful and higher Rank techniques. Using language like this makes it sound as if the Aspect is something that has an on and off switch, rather than being something that the character has honed and reliably incorporated into their Fighting Style. Of course, given that Shichishito-Ryu seems to be a swordsmanship-based FiSt, it makes perfect sense that Lee wouldn't be able to utilize the Aspects he's developed to use with a sword without a sword.[/ul]
Like I said in the chat, I would be more than happy to sit down with you and go into further detail as to why this won't work as-is as an Aspect. It's a very open-ended system with a lot of creative freedom available, so I completely understand not fully understanding it in your first real interaction with the system! It takes time and practice to master something.[/font][/blockquote]

[Aromancer]

Alright, thank you for the advice. I think I've got it, now:

Character’s Name:– Viper Lee
Profile:- strawhatforum.proboards.com/thread/25534/viper-lee-updated
Devil Fruit:– None
Current X-Poinz:– 618

Improved Fighting Style

Name:– Shichishito-Ryu
Focus:– Disarming & Disabling opponents with swordsmanship
Rank:– D
New Aspect:– Viper's Bite. The user is able to break, penetrate, slice, or otherwise destroy durable substances that others could not normally destroy.

New Techniques
Name:– Serpent's Strike
Fighting Style:– Shichishito-Ryu
Rank:– 1 (50 XPz)
Description:– Lee catches an opponent's incoming attack, using the momentum to turn said attack on his foe.

Name:–Blade Breaker
Fighting Style:– Shichishito-Ryu
Rank:– 2 (125 XPz, covered in FiSt rebate)
Description:– Lee moves to intercept an incoming attack. If the attack involves a melee weapon of some description, he attempts to destroy it quickly enough that the opponent can't react in time.


Total XPz cost: 250 (200 for FiSt upgrade, 50 for new tech)

[Jade]

Well, this is all simple enough - I'll happily approve this Aspect and the techniques as they are now. Go ahead and make sure you properly update Lee's profile with his new spent XPz and your purchases!

[Aromancer]

Character’s Name:– Viper Lee
Profile:– strawhatforum.proboards.com/thread/25534/viper-lee-updated
Devil Fruit:– None
Current X-Poinz:– 658

New Trait: Poison Resistance. Lee is biologically capable of shrugging off most poisons due to a combination of his previous encounters with poisonous mushrooms and his genetic propensity for shrugging off toxins. It is nearly impossible to poison Viper Lee.

New Technique
Name:– Tsuchinoko's Leap
Fighting Style:– Shichishito-Ryu
Rank:– 2 (125 XPz)
Description:– Intense practice has given Lee the ability to use his incredible speed and precision to jump on the air itself, enabling him to cross great distances without ever touching the ground.

[Jade]

The Poison Resistance Trait is fine - you can go ahead and add it to your profile, though I'd add a note reminding you that it is your 600 XPz benchmark Trait!

On the other hand... And this may be me splitting hairs, but technically, if you're not utilizing actual Geppo, then you should probably give it a name that fits Lee's sensibilities. It's kind of like how Kuro was capable of using something similar to Soru, but because it was a version of his own design (and he likely had no awareness of the World Government's perfected and somewhat standardized version), he gave it a name of his own: Nuki Ashi, or Stealth Foot, or Stealth Walk, or... Pussyfoot Maneuver, depending on which localization you prefer. You should probably also remove the references to Geppo proper, unless Lee is explicitly basing his version off of seeing it in action.

[Aromancer]

Okay, I've gotten rid of all reference to actual Geppo!

[Jade]

Alrighty! You can go ahead and add that to Lee's profile then!

[Aromancer]

Small revision to one of Lee's techs requested: accidentally forgot to include that it relies on the use of an aspect.

Name:– Blade Breaker

Fighting Style:– Shichishito-Ryu

Rank:– 2 (Aspect: Viper's Bite; 125 XPz)

Description:– Lee moves to intercept an incoming attack. If the attack involves a melee weapon of some description, he may attempt to destroy it with an incredible speed that outpaces most opponents' reaction times.

[Jade]

Like I said in the chat, you can amend the applied for technique on Lee's profile to directly state which Aspect it is using, but unfortunately, you will need to keep the originally approved description.