Mission #43: Exterminators Arrive (Submission, Unfinished)

[Blaka]

Plot Title/Link: Mission #43: Exterminators Arrive
Marine Mission Rank/Number: N/A
Mission Number: 43
Total Number of Posts: 12
Plot Summary:
The Island of Drumm was fighting with a bad wolf infestation. Usually, the citizens would not have a problem with that, but these beasts were esspecially huge. Something made them go rabid and attack the towns. King Dalton was paying outsiders to help with the situation. Queen B. Melosa and her chef Carl Ohdora  of the Queen Pirates wanted to use this opportunity to make some quick money, so they went to enlist. On top of outsiders, the townsfolk formed a makeshift militia to deal with the problem. After enlisting, the two Queen Pirates were sent to retrieve two survivors of a squad that just lost their fight. Thus, they hopped over the makeshift barrier and went up the mountain. Shortly afterwards, they found the two survivors, followed by one of the giant wolfs. One of them, Sam, had lost an arm in battle. Carl carried them back to the town with the help of his Lion Zoan, while Melosa had to fend of the rabid wolf. Once Carl had delivered the wounded, he tried to get back to his captain, but was stopped by a couple of wolfes as well. Struggeling at first, both Melosa and Carl beat their respective opponents.
At this point, Hikaru vanished >.<

Pirate Crew: Queen Pirates
Pirate Name/Link:  Queen B. Melosa
Current Bounty: 0
Number of Posts: 6
EXP: 258/500
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: 0%

Pirate Crew: Queen Pirates
Pirate Name/Link: Carl "The Pan" Ohdora
Current Bounty: 0
Number of Posts: 6
EXP: 28/100
What percentage of bonus exp do you want as Poinz?: MIA

[Tori Tori Chopper]

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An Unfinished one huh..

Guess I'll wrap this one up quickly!

Seeing as Hikaru hasn't been on the site for quite sometime, and the nature of the unfinished thread, in the interest of time I'll only grade Blabababababab. Despite it being only twelve posts, you can tell alot about a person's role playing ability in the way they set a scene and in turn advance a plots content, this thread is slightly old so I can't speak for any improvements, but I'll try to be as helpful as I can with the rough patches you had then! Though at the same time, I can't really provide much insight to such a short lived piece, and will try to be as specific as I can!

-------->Individual Ratings!

Queen B. Melosa - 3/5

SPOILER: Click to show

The Good:

[/b]The short lived combat scene that you did put into action in this thread was pretty immersive, combat within One Piece at least tends to be quick paced or an array of signature moves or events to keep things moving quickly, and where you've instead used details to explain an entire battle, this isn't a bad thing! Adding the thought process of your character as well as small details helps put me in the mind of your character for this one on one battle, thus making it intense as the reader goes over every action that takes place!

Scene Setting: Though of course the scene you were initially setting over time was cut short, what I had read from you in this criteria looked promising! explaining the surroundings, details and happenings for readers and even your role playing partners is very important! In many cases people you are with are looking for content to use in their own post after yours, so such things as explaining the environment, people's locations and the theme of the area are all key factors.

[/ul]The Bad:

[/b]: I feel even if this thread was completed, or if there were more posts than what was left when the thread became idle, the result would still be the same. The mission was followed to the letter, and whereas personally I'm not a fan of missions, even in the case that I were to pick up one? I'd want to add a lot more to it than the basic description implied. Maybe I'm wrong in assuming that you were only going to run back and forth fighting wolves and saving people, maybe fight one big alpha at the end and have a friendly talk with Dalton? Regardless, the story from these posts alone gave both of you very little to expand on, from the thread as a whole, try to plan out as much as you can before starting, no plot is One Piece is ever as basic as it first seems!

Post Display: A very small pet peeve of mine, and not nearly as serious as me putting it as a bad thing may imply, but when it comes to posts or any kind of written piece? Spacing and order is one of the best things you can get into the habit of doing. Space your paragraphs, your spoken pieces, stick to boldening conversational pieces throughout.. little thing to keep in mind for the future.

Improper Canon Use: Level with me here, Dalton.. The shining example of placing himself in danger before others, finding ways to keep everyone safe before even considering sending a townsperson to their deaths against giant rabid wolves. After the drum island arc within one piece's Canon, something that has technically already happened in our timeline, an island known for its amazing medical advances! Doctors of such high calibre that they can recover people from near death when working together in insane time! And you mean to tell the reader, me even, that Dalton has gone off with other villagers to essentially throw themselves at these vicious and killer wolves over and over until the town is dead or they are? Please.. Please create plots with the content in mind.[/ul]
The Awesome:

[/font][/i][/ul][/spoiler]
Errors in Template:

N/A

Totals and Endzone!

    ----> Melosa: 282/500
    Details:

SPOILER: Click to show

EXP at Time of Submission: 258/500 (Melosa EXP at Time of Submission)
Base EXP Earned: 6 (Number of Posts) * 1 (For doing a Mission Thread) = 6 (Base EXP Earned)
Bonus EXP Earned: 6 (Number of Posts) * 3 (Quality Bonus) = 18 (Bonus EXP Earned)
New EXP Total: 258 (EXP at Submission) + 6 (Base EXP) + 18 (Bonus EXP) = 282/500 (New Total EXP for Melosa)

Please update your profiles!

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